Day 11: Triggers
My major trigger is seeing twin boys. It's like a knife in my heart or a punch in the gut, or both at once. Every time. Part of me can't help but stare when I see them and the other part tells me to run and get as far away as I can. I can see twin girls, or boy/girl twins and it's still hard, but obviously the twin boys are a different story. It's a painful reminder of what our life should have been like. What should have been for our boys. They should have had each other and we should have both of them. As much as my grief has changed, this is one thing that still gets me each time.
My babies at 20 weeks. One of the last ultrasound pictures we have of them together. We never got to see them together after they were born. The ultrasounds I have of both of my boys are some of my greatest treasures.