Care Package Update

NICU Care Packages are well underway! The boxes of items are slowly filling up our extra room. I am continually amazed at the generosity of others. I always get worried that we won't get the donations that we need and that we will end up filling in the gaps out of our own pockets. That has not happened yet, which is so wonderful!

We truly appreciate your willingness to give and help out and I know the families will be thankful as well. I remember the days someone would bring in little hats or something and we would race out to the front desk to pick one, a little bright spot in some otherwise long, hard days.

The count: So far we have 29 blankets (plus a bunch I need to finish sewing), 12 hand sanitizers, 10 chapsticks, 3 boxes of Emergen-C, trail mix, granola bars, and 9 kids books!

It's funny the things that we have a hard time getting from year to year always changes. Last year the blankets were a struggle while this year we have lots (which is awesome because it's less for me to sew :)

We are still IN NEED OF:

Hand sanitizers
Small board books (we would like them to be new so we aren't taking any chances with germs)
Travel size lotions
Chapstick

If you are local and would like to donate any of these items, just get in touch with me and we'll arrange something for pick up or drop off. If you aren't local and still want to help, check out our amazon wish list, it's really easy to purchase something and have it shipped directly to us! 

I have also spoken with the NICU manager and asked if there was anything else that would be nice for them to have at the NICU. They are always in need of sleep sacks to use in the NICU and also to send home with families. If you have any gently used sleep sacks you would like to donate, or would like to purchase one new, let me know. 

Thank you all SO much, this truly would not be possible without all of you!

NICU Care Packages 2013

It's almost that time again! I went back and forth about whether we would be able to do them this year, with 2 little boys requiring lots of attention and limited resources financially on my end.

BUT, I think I would just be totally bummed to not be able to do them again this year. So, we'll make it work! We have been so incredibly blessed by all the support for this project and there's absolutely NO way we could do it without our family, friends and even strangers.

So I'm going to do a little thinking out loud here for myself. I still want to make sure every family gets a hat and blanket (new - knit, crochet, or sewn or store bought). As far as the things for parents I think we will shave down the list a little and do:

- Hand sanitizer
- Lotion
- Granola bars/protein bars
- Candy
- Chapstick
- Vitamin C drops/Emergen-C
- Small children's books (we loved reading to Cohen, it felt like it was one of the only things we could "do")

I would also like to still send a few bags for parents in need (preemie clothes, diapers, wipes, small new baby toys, hand sanitizer).

Whew! That's my brain for now. I'm getting excited to be doing this again, it has been a wonderful way to give back to our NICU.

You can see our past years here and here

Finding Purpose Part 2

I've been feeling a little restless lately. Like I need something more to do with my life. Not to be more busy, but to have more purpose. Being a parent gives me great purpose and it is definitely the most important thing in my life, along with being a wife. But I need more purpose in being a person. Some time ago, I wrote about finding purpose in giving back and making diapers, which I don't think I will ever stop doing, but now I'm ready to go a little farther.

I have a job that is a good enough job. I don't mind the work, I like my coworkers, and I have the schedule that I want. But sometimes it doesn't seem like enough. We only get one chance at life, so why not do what we can make a difference, right?

Having and losing Carter has opened my eyes to a whole new world. The world of angel babies and grieving parents and all the things that surround it. My first glimpse of the gaps in bereavement care came from personal experience. I was shocked when a healthcare worker explained in completely insensitive terms that she would be "putting my baby in the refrigerator". I honestly can't remember if it was this same person or yet another healthcare worker who also kindly explained to me that I would need to let them know if I wanted to hold Carter again so they could "warm him back up". I kid you not. This is not to rag on healthcare workers of any kind, but rather to point out that there is a lack of education, awareness, and empathy surrounding miscarriage and infant loss.

I have heard from multiple parents who have lost babies to miscarriage and so many of them have expressed how they wish they would have gotten some kind of resources or some kind of something to acknowledge their baby and their loss. I think we (I'm including myself here as well) can get so used to things that become routine to us, but are far from routine for someone who is experiencing it for the first time. At my postpartum checkup, I asked our OB office if they had any kind of resource available to parents experiencing a miscarriage. The response was that they "used to have something but they weren't sure where it was".

It continually surprises me how resistant people are to providing care and support for people facing loss. I truly think it as issue of a lack of awareness and understanding. Even when facilities are offered something free (cost is always a huge stumbling block in healthcare) that would greatly benefit their patients, there is still resistance. I fully understand that every patient may not want resources, we all grieve and process differently. But I want it to at least be an option to have the support.

I have decided that when I grow up, I want to be an advocate or liaison between parents facing loss and the healthcare system. Whether that is helping to educate healthcare workers, pushing to get more resources into OB offices and the hospitals, sitting with a parent who has just found out they have lost their child, or maybe even being a bereavement doula. I am working on figuring out the path to take to where I want to end up. It breaks my heart to know that parents are facing loss alone and often aren't being fully supported by the ones that are often in the front lines and should be offering support. I'm hoping I can find a place where I fit in and honor Carter in bringing more support to the bereavement community.

Teeny Tears Update: Diaper Therapy

Over this last few weeks, the Northwest Diaper Dreamers (our local Teeny Tears group) has sent out (or will be very soon) over 600 diapers! They have gone to:

5 hospitals in Washington
1 NILMDTS photographer in Seattle
Sawyer's Heart in Illinois
6 hospitals in Florida
2 hospitals in Texas

We love doing this project and are continually amazed and overwhelmed that we have the support to continue making diapers. We appreciate all of our helpers who cut out endless amounts of diapers and all of those who come to our "diaper parties" to help out. Our local quilt shop has a sign up and we have many people donate flannel. They even let us hold diaper parties at their shop!! This would not be possible without all the wonderful help.

All of the diaper sets are sent with small cards and an angel's name along with the Teeny Tears website. We have been honored to hear from a few families who have received the diapers, although it's always bittersweet as we wish no one ever needed the diapers.

We donate a fair amount of diapers in Carter's name, but we also donate in other angel babies names. I feel like it's some small thing that I can do to help other baby loss moms. There is something about seeing your baby's name written down for others to see that validates their presence in this world, no matter how brief.  I've said it before but this has been such a healing project for me in so many ways and my mom and I often call it our "diaper therapy".

And of course if you ever want to help out, let me know! You can help even if you can't sew! Teeny Tears has an awesome facebook group of women full of tips and tricks of the trade to help you get started. Teeny Tears is also not limited to the northwest, there are people all over the United States and Canada making diapers, so surely there is a connection out there for you. For more info on all the specific ways to help out, click here.

NICU Care Package Delivery

The care packages have been dropped off!! Danny and I made the trek down to Seattle for the day to drop off the care packages to the NICU. We borrowed my mom's car and loaded it up with all the boxes of packages, blankets, hats, and trays of cookies for the staff. We had planned to take Cohen with us, but my mom offered to keep him and we figured that would probably be best all around. That way he didn't have to make the long car trip and we didn't have to try and occupy him while we were transporting and delivering the care packages. The car was so full that Danny couldn't move the seat back to fit in the car so me and my short legs got to drive.

We got to UW and went up to the NICU for reinforcements. We had two volunteers to help us and a few wagons. I have tried to warn the staff both last year and this year about just how much stuff there was. Nobody ever believes us. After the volunteers got to the car and saw that I was serious about the mass amount of boxes, they went back in to the hospital and got a few more helpers. We filled up 3 wagons and several wheelchairs with boxes. The wagon train of boxes going into the hospital was cracking me up and we made quite the scene going through the lobby.

 There was another parent who had arranged a pizza party for the NICU parents so it worked out well. We dropped the box of hats and blankets off for parents who were out visiting/eating. When we set the boxes down the parents were so excited to dig through and find the perfect hat and blanket for their babies. A tiny hat was the first thing we ever got to put on Cohen. It helped us feel more like he was our baby just by picking a little hat for him and putting it on him. We still have his little hats and booties in each size and it's so fun to look back and see how little his hats were and how much he has grown. So many of my memories of him in the NICU are associated with the tiny outfit or hat he was wearing. For a NICU parent, something as simple as a hat really is so much more than just a hat.

We also got to take a tour of the brand new NICU. They were building the NICU while we were in the hospital so we heard a lot about it so it was fun to actually get to see it. We missed the day before it opened that they were offering tours to the general public and I didn't think we would ever get to see it so it was a nice surprise to be offered a little tour. And let me say, it was amazing. While Cohen was in the NICU, we were in big open rooms with up to 6 other babies. Partway through our stay, Cohen earned us one of two private rooms with his mysterious skin infection and we got to stay there until he left. So we were actually some of the lucky ones. Our private room was nothing compared to these new rooms that every parent gets to have. 

{This was our "private" room}

Each parent has their own room, with their own recliner chair and even a bed if parents want to stay the night or rest in the same room as their baby. Each room is spacious and has it's own little blanket warmer and breast pump (awesome!!) and a door that closes. I hope that we never have to go back to the NICU, but I am excited that the parents will hopefully be a little more comfortable in the new setting. Here is the promotional video UW put out at the opening of the new NICU.

It was a wonderful day getting to see the parents excited to receive their little presents, to see the new NICU, and to get to see one of our best nurses on the tour. I can't thank you all enough for helping us out with this project. It was a little stressful, but it is all so worth it to help bring a little joy to parents walking the NICU journey. The staff was amazed when I told them that everything was donated. They kept asking me if I made all the blankets and hats and I kept telling them that I had LOTS of help and that really all I did was put the packages together. I have been completely overwhelmed both last year and this year by people's willingness to help out. This would not be possible without all of you!!

In the end we donated over 50 care packages, many, many blankets and hats, around 20 sets of hand crocheted booties, tops, and hats, 3 bags for moms on bedrest, and 6 bags of baby basics (diapers, wipes, clothes, lotion, books, and small toys) for families in need. My wonderful mom also made two huge trays of cookies for the staff, which they loved! 

Count it a Success

I am counting our first diaper night, a success! We had 9 people come to make diapers. I was a little hesitant to get too excited about how much we would get done because three friends had called to say they were sick and couldn't make it. But, we still got a lot done and this has saved me weeks of work. We had four trusty helpers cutting out diapers, my mom and her BFF on the sewing machines, two helpers turning diapers to be ironed, and yours truly on the ironing board. My niece Michelle was also there, although she isn't in any of the pictures because she took them all. She was so excited about helping and kept asking about how happy I thought the families would be when they got the diapers. I'm not sure she knew the diapers were for babies that have died, and I didn't have the heart to burst her bubble.

 {Cutting Crew}

 

{Faithful sewers}

  {The smallest helpers}

 {The diaper turner}

 {The iron master}

{And of course snacks to keep the workers happy, all from my mom}

We got 120 diapers nearly finished and a whole stack cut out waiting to be sewed! I was feeding Cohen his late night bottle, since he had been too distracted to eat with the company here, and it occurred to me...we finished 120 diapers, the same number that have been sponsored. How cool is that??

We had a lot of fun, got a lot done, and I am already looking forward to the next diaper night. If you are a sewer who needs a project, this would be perfect for you. A huge thank you to those of you who came!

Also, will you please keep this family in your prayers? Their little girl Esther was born on 4/12 with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia. There was a hole in her diaphragm that allowed some of her organs to be pushed up into her chest cavity not allowing them all to develop properly. The doctors told her parents that she wouldn't survive after birth, and again later while they were working on her. But she is a little fighter. This is a local family (Esther's mom used to babysit me) and Esther was born at UW and transferred to Children's where she is on a heart and lung bypass machine waiting for surgery. They have a long road ahead of them and the emotions of watching your child struggle for life are so exhausting. Thank you for praying for them! Give your kids an extra hug tonight. I know I am so thankful for every minute that I have with Cohen.

March of Diapers!

Update: We have 120 sets of diapers sponsored. My goal was 100, but don't let that stop you from sponsoring a set or 10!

Hi everybody,

Cohen here again. Sometimes when my mom thinks I'm napping I sneak over to her computer to write to you guys. Me and some other people are doing this thing called the March of Dimes in May. I'm pretty excited about it because I finally get to get out of the house and see a whole bunch of people. Oh, and I get to help raise money for little babies like me and my brother. 

The original team goal for the March of Dimes was $500. Well, we passed that up and have $1700!! I don't really know how much that is, but Mom says it's good. So, now we raised our team goal to $2000. The thing is, my mom has only raised $95 of that and she feels like she can do a lot better than that. My GRAMMA has raised more money than her! Mom says she's feeling a little bit embarrassed about it. Maybe people are tired of giving or are just busy and forget. Mom says this is near and dear to her heart so she's not going to give up yet! I thought maybe I could help her out a little bit.

I've been trying to think of a new way to help her fundraise. I told her it would be a good idea to combine the two projects she's already working on. She has this new friend, Megan, who she's been working with, who also lost one of her twins to TTTS. Megan started this project to make tiny diapers to give to families that have lost babies. She lives far away and calls Mom and me the Seattle branch. Mom is pretty proud because she just completed the first set of 60 diapers to take to the hospital here in Bellingham. Her next set will be of around 120 diapers to give to UW, the hospital me and Carter were born at.

Mom says she loves this little project because it would have been really meaningful to her to have a little diaper to put on Carter. A little piece of normal in the chaos. The diapers fit babies as small as 20 weeks and fit up to 36 weeks. Each family is given 2 diapers, one for the baby and one for the family as a keepsake. See that little diaper on the right? That's the size Carter and I would have worn when we were born.

So, here's the plan. In order to help keep Mom motivated, and to raise money for other preemies like me and Carter through the March of Dimes, you can sponsor a set of diapers (2 individual diapers, one for baby, one for family) or a larger set of diapers! It's pretty much a win, win situation. Diapers for babies and families and donations straight to the March of Dimes for preemies. Click here to donate and then be sure and let me know that you did.

Sponsor:

 One set of diapers $2

Set of 5 diapers (10 individuals) $5

Set of 20 diapers (40 individuals) $20

AND, if you sponsor any diapers, leave a comment or email me at keepingupwiththekimmels@gmail.com. At the end, we will have a drawing and the winner gets to babysit ME while Mom sews all these diapers. AND the winner can pick the next hospital (after UW) that she donates the diapers to (local to me or local to you)! Thanks everybody, little preemies need your help so they can grow big and strong like me! I gotta go before Mom catches me...If you have any questions just let me know, I will try and sneak back at my next naptime.

Go Team Cohen and Carter!

The mission of March of Dimes is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality. Please join us in helping other preemies.

What Next?

I'm going to be honest here, sometimes I wish this wasn't my life. But, it is. This is my life as a 26 year old mom of twins, one in heaven and one on earth. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but it is.

So what am I going to do with it?

This is the question I keep coming back to. Yeah, we got dealt a crappy hand in life and I wish it wasn't this way. But, it is. Normal grieving aside, am I going to let this define the rest of my life? Is how unfair it is going to be what keeps me from moving forward? Now, of course I do and will continue to have bad days where I am going to think it is unfair, I am going to be mad, and I am going to wish things had been different. But overall, this thought just keeps coming back to my mind.

What am I going to do with these experiences?

I want to help other people whether NICU moms or parents who have lost babies. I want to do it for Carter. I don't feel like it was a mistake that we went through what we did. I believe that somehow, somewhere some good is going to come out of this. It has to. It just seems so clear to me that I could go one of two directions: lay in bed and cry "Why me" (which I do sometimes), or figure out what to do with this. To find out what I will do with the emotions, the pain, the experience of what its like to lose a child and to have a NICU child. I'm not "over it" and I never will be. But I will moved forward and figure out how to make good out of hardship.

That's where I am at right now. Waiting to see where our story is going to take us. Waiting to see what ways we will be used us to hopefully make things a little better or easier for someone else. Rolling ideas and projects around in my head, you know...in all my spare time.

And, since it's been a few days, here's your picture fix. You're welcome :)

 

Stocking Delivery

 Our week is a little busy this week...

Monday: Cohen's OT at 9:30
Tuesday: Work meeting for me at 7:00 am
Wednesday: Pulmonology appt at Children's, maybe visiting some friends, and maybe a little trip to the NICU if Cohen is up for it

The good news is that all the stockings, blankets, and hats etc got delivered last week. Danny and I were going down to Seattle for a Christmas/birthday party with some friends so we loaded up all the stuff in the car to drop off. We had to take my mom's blazer because neither of our cars had enough room. Cohen stayed with Gramma and Grampa for the night and we thought it would be easier to unload all the stuff without him.  I didn't take too many pictures because I was too busy carrying stuff.

 {This was my favorite blanket that I made}

We got to the hospital and met up with some friends who helped us guard the car and bring everything in (Thanks Ryan & Tiff!). I went up and got Diane, the NICU social worker who I had been chatting back and forth with. I'm not sure she quite understood how much stuff there was. She got her intern to come help thinking we could carry it all. Little did she know I had two grown men waiting at the car to carry it up and it still took 5 of us and one giant wheelchair two different trips. I tried to warn her that there was a lot of stuff but I think she was a little surprised. She was pretty excited about it and thought that the parents were really going to love it. Diane filled up her office and borrowed a little of someone else's to store the stuff. They will probably be handing it out closer to Christmas, which is just fine with me. I'm hoping she will send me a little email after they give everything out so I can hear how it went.

 {All loaded up and ready to go}

We didn't visit very much, just a quick trip but I did get to see the social worker from the Drs office who was such a huge help to us during the pregnancy and after the boys were born. She was so wonderful to us and I hadn't seen her in a while so it was fun to see her.

 

{Ryan & Danny}

 {Mom made cookies for all the nurses}

THANKYOU, THANKYOU, THANKYOU to all of you who helped out in any way for this project whether by gathering stuff, knitting hats, making blankets, or giving money donations. We couldn't have done it without you! When I first had this idea, I had no idea how big of a project this was going to turn into but I am so happy with how it all turned out. Thank you so much for taking the time to help us give back to the people who have given so much to us and for helping other parents who are in such a difficult situation. We appreciate it SO much, it means so much to me. I wish I could hug you all :)

Oh, and I'm working on a little something that I am excited and nervous to show you...I will let you know when I am ready.

On Hold

All of the stockings, blankets, and hats have been delivered! Now that our Stuff the Stockings project has come to an end, I'm tired. Okay I've actually been tired since June, but I'm ready to rest. I am behind on many, many things. I haven't finished sending out birth announcements or thank you cards for my showers. If you haven't gotten your announcement or a thank you card, it is coming. I just ran out of envelopes and steam. They are coming, I promise. I am also behind on birthday presents for both of my sisters whose birthdays were at the beginning of December. I want and need to do these things, I am just putting them on hold for awhile. Don't worry, I probably won't put the blog on hold because this is my brain and how I remember things.

I'm putting them on hold so that I can rock my baby while he still wants me to. And play card games with my husband. We used to play board games and card games all the time.

I hate having things hanging over my head so someday they will get done, just be patient with me. And also, while I'm at it, I'm sorry if you have written/texted/facebooked me and I haven't responded. I really do read them all and appreciate them. When I read them I often think about what I would say in response and then I think I count that as actually responding. Thank you all for being so kind and understanding. For now, I am putting things on hold so that I can spend some quiet time with my family and try and rest.

The Stockings are Stuffed

We finally stuffed the stockings last night and we made....47 stockings/gift bags (our original goal was 15)! Amazing! Thank you all SO, SO much for helping out with this project. I wouldn't have been able to do this without all of your help.

Lots of you have asked about the actual delivery of the stockings and we are planning on doing that next week. We were going to take them in closer to Christmas, but as I mentioned before we are trying to make this year as simple and stress free as possible. This has been a really fun project but I am ready to pass them into the next hands.

 

Also, when we go down we will not personally be delivering them to each family. There are a few reasons for this. First, I want to make this as easy as possible for the NICU staff, I don't want to add another thing to their already large workloads. In order for us to deliver them they would have to go around and ask each family if we could be their "guest" in order to give them a stocking. That sounds like a lot of work for them. The other reason, and I'm not sure if this will make sense but I will still try to explain it, is that I just want the families to get a little gift without any strings attached without them feeling like they have to thank us. We were given so much that we will never be able to thank everyone for or repay. This is a way that I can kind of say thank you to all of those who have supported us by hopefully helping someone else out.

{All finished}

Stocking Update

Well, the "Stuff the Stockings" project is in full swing! We have lots of people volunteering for various things and we are so excited. I thought this was just going to be me collecting a few things and taking a few stockings in. But we have had a lot of people wanting to help and it has been so fun. I have made an updated list. If the item you were going to donate is crossed off, don't worry, it's probably just because you said you were donating it! And we will take whatever you want to give and put it to good use.

We have decided that if there is stocking overflow we will take some stockings over to antepartum where I spent 3 weeks on bedrest. Surely moms on bedrest over Christmas need a little gift too.

Thank you all so, so much for your response to this. Feel free to continue spreading the word about this project. Also, look around your house...I found lots of things (snacks, shampoo/conditioner samples, etc) for the stockings sitting in my own drawers and cupboards, just make sure they are new/unused! Also, I have updated the Amazon Wish List with my address so that it can ship here automatically.

Updated Stocking Stuffer List:

Little lotions
Chapstick
Candy
Protein Bars/Granola Bars/Snacks
Gum
Emergen-C (Since it's cold season!)
Maybe a little notebook for keeping notes about baby
Kleenex packs
Post its/Pens
Vitamin Water/Bottled Drinks
Hot Chocolate or Tea
Hand Sanitizer
Baby Hats and small Christmas blankets
Travel size shampoo/conditioner
Disposable cameras
Starbucks, Subway or Quiznos gift cards
Stockings or Gift bags to put everything in
New or gently used Children's books
Newborn Diapers/Wipes