Happy New Year!

Well, 2012 is officially gone. Happy New Year!! We were more than happy to see 2011 go, but this year has been a little different. I was thinking this morning about the last year and I can honestly say that it was good. Hard, but good.

We have been incredibly blessed by Cohen's health. He has had one cold since he's been home and no other sicknesses. For a preemie this is seemingly unheard of. We avoided the dreaded RSV our first winter and are hoping to do the same this winter. Cohen was able to get off of his oxygen without any trouble, his enlarged heart went back to normal size and we graduated from his pulmonologist and his cardiologist (although that one we kind of graduated ourselves from). Cohen is still a little on the skinny side, but his pediatrician has been pleased with his steady weight gain.

After the winter was over, we were able to start going to our church again regularly. We had really missed it over the last year and it felt good to be back in our Sunday school class and our regular church services. I was able to go to a Bible study and have just started going to a monthly group that gets together to sew blankets for babies in need. I love how friendly our church is and how easy it is to connect with others.

And Teeny Tears. Oh, Teeny Tears. What a blessing you have been in my life. Our little group here in Lynden has donated around 2500 diapers over the last year(ish). Some think it seems like a sad thing to do, to sew tiny diapers for babies that have died. I think it's wonderful and it gives me time to think about Carter. I also love knowing that somewhere out there when a family receives a diaper, they know that someone has been in their shoes, and that someone has taken the time to care about their baby.

We've had our hard moments too, continuing to grieve Carter, and celebrating his first birthday without him. When I think back to those first weeks and months where I didn't think there was any way I could keep going, I still don't know how I made it. I know it had something to do with our family, friends, and God's faithfulness to us. I am glad to be where I'm at now. It's still hard, but we also know how blessed we are.

And of course, baby Kimmel #3! We are hoping to get a sneak peek about whether this little baby is going to require hairbows or trucks. We will be thrilled with either.

So, 2012 certainly had it's challenges, but we have grown as individuals and as a family. We are nervously excited to see what 2013 has in store.

{January}

{Feb - Last echo and no more oxygen!}

{March - Mr. Expressive}

{April - first time to church}

{May - March of Dimes}

{June - first birthday}

{July - Camping}

{August - the local fair}

{September - Pumpkin Patch}

{October - Halloween}

{November}

{December - Christmas}

Rejoicing

I spent some time crying last night, which really isn't anything new, but this time it was different. This time it was for Cohen. I was looking through pictures of him throughout his NICU stay and I was just overwhelmed with how much he has been through.

Those of you who have been reading for awhile know most of what he has been through, and for how hard his life has been. I remember him spending 2 months on the ventilator, bleeding in his lungs and brain, a horrible skin rash that they thought was throughout his body, a PDA, crappy lungs, ROP, having his little feet poked over and over for blood, kidney failure, and the day his breathing tube came out and he turned grey in my arms. At 11 months old, he has had more than his fair share of "life" but I truly believe it will shape the person he is going to become and will just be a part of his story.

I'm not sure why it's hitting me now, if it's because we are getting closer to the time the boys were born. He has been through so much and he truly is amazing. My heart hurts for everything he had to go through and that I couldn't protect him from it. There was a period of time where I feared letting myself love this little boy because I didn't know if I was going to get to keep him. And now he occupies such a huge part of my heart. Those pudgy little fingers that wrap around mine when he drinks his bottle. That one little dimple on his cheek. The long, long toes that we noticed on both boys when they were born.

After last night's tears, today I am rejoicing. Rejoicing in what a strong, driven little boy we have been given. I am so incredibly thankful that we still have him here with us and for every moment we get to spend with him. He brings me more joy than I ever thought possible and I just can't even imagine my life without him. 

{This is Cohen wearing his Gramma's wedding ring on his arm}

Happy Thanksgiving!

We have so much to be thankful for this year, it's hard to know where to start. We are thankful for Cohen and Carter. We are thankful that we can dress Cohen, change his diaper, and snuggle him whenever we want. We are even thankful that we get to get up during the night with him. We are thankful for every single obstacle he has overcome from kidney failure, premature lungs, being on a ventilator for 2 months, infections, chronic lung disease, his PDA, and an enlarged heart. We are thankful for all of his progress, whether it happens according to what he "should" be doing or not. We are thankful for everything he does. We are also thankful for Carter, who gets to be with Jesus. We are thankful for the time that we got to spend with him, counting his fingers and toes and talking about how perfect he was. We still have an ache in our hearts for him, and we miss him every day, but we are thankful that we have the hope of seeing him again some day. We are thankful that the Lord gave up his son so that our son gets to be with him in heaven.

  We are thankful for the support and love we have received from family, church family, new friends, old friends, and even strangers. We are thankful that we have a chance to give back to others with our Stuff the Stockings project. We are thankful for egg nog and peppermint ice cream. We are thankful for jobs, food to eat, and a warm house to call home. We are thankful for opportunities to share about God with others through our story. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you! We hope you enjoy the day with your loved ones.

Thankful Thursday

*My very sweet cousin has started a blog to help Cohen. She has such a kind heart. Thanks for helping Joeli! You can click here to see what she is up to.*

*Cohen has 3 appointments at Children's tomorrow morning. He gets an echo to see how his heart is doing, an appointment with his cardiologist, and an appointment with his pulmonologist. Please keep us in your prayers for safe travels and a long day for Cohen. Also pray that his heart looks less enlarged and that his lungs are okay!! Thanks*

It's November and Thanksgiving is coming, so Thursdays are now my Thank You Thursdays. The last little while in our life has been full of ups and downs but we really do have a lot to be thankful for. And since I won't be able to send each and every person who has helped us in some way (although I wish I could!)  I am hoping maybe these posts can serve as a thank you card to all of you that have supported us. This week (and every week) I am thankful for Danny.

When we got married and said our vows "for better or for worse" we had no idea what that would come to mean for us. We were clueless that before our 2 year anniversary we would be facing devastating circumstances and have to make incredibly difficult choices for our family. When we decided to start our family we couldn't have even imagined what the next 9 months would bring. We had visions of happy, bouncing baby boys that we would play out in the yard with and who would run around with their cousins. Instead, we were faced with what will probably be the most incredible challenge of our lives. We feel like we had to grow up about 30 years in the last little while.

Everything we have gone through has just further confirmed to me that I made the right choice. That God brought me Danny for a reason. He has been my strength and has literally held me up at times when I couldn't stand up myself. While I was on bedrest he was in charge of the cooking, cleaning, housework and working his regular job. While I was in the hospital he drove back and forth on his days off, often leaving the hospital in the wee hours of the morning to go to work from Seattle so that I didn't have to be alone. After the boys were born he continued working full time and making many, many trips back and forth to and from Seattle. Most of his time was spent working, driving, or sleeping. I know it was so hard for him to be away from his family during all of this but he was very strong through it all.

Danny lets me be me. He lets me be a goof. He lets me cry. He can always make me laugh. I am quite far from perfect but he never judges or condemns me. He knows who I am and he loves me that way. He is always patient with me when I have my grumpy pants on early in the morning or when I get too hungry. He reminds me of God's truths when I forgot and was overwhelmed by fear or anxiety.

This whole experience has taught us a lot about each other. We have learned that there are things that matter and things that don't. We have learned that we have been through the hardest, most painful thing we could ever think of and we made it through together. We have learned to be extra patient, gracious, and forgiving of each other.

I love you Danny boy, so so much. Thank you for being so strong. You are such a great dad to our boys, I can see it in the way that Cohen looks at you and smiles. Thank you for washing endless numbers of baby bottles and pumpers. Thank you for being my best friend. Thank you for letting me win when we play games.Thank you for working so hard to take care of us. I couldn't ask for anything more. We love you very much!