Dear Self,
I know things have been kind of rough lately, but please remember to have patience. And grace, lots of grace. I know it's hard for you to hear people complain about their difficult pregnancies due to nausea or gaining weight. I know you cringe when you see people saying how miserable they are at 40 weeks and they just want their baby out. I know you want to scream "At least you have your kids!" when you hear people complain about their children. I know things didn't go the way you wanted to. You would give anything to be the person who only knew a "hard" pregnancy as one in which you had morning sickness or swollen ankles.
I know you have to try really hard not to sigh when people define their "bad days" as ones in which their car breaks down or they are late to work. You know that those people are lucky. I know that you wish those were your worst days. I know you wish that you could tell those people "Things could be so much worse!"
But you know what? As irritating as it can be, just remember, to those people those are the worst things they know. And in a weird way, I am happy for them. I'm glad more people don't know this pain. You know you would never wish for anyone else to know these feelings. Those people, they don't know any different. It's not their fault. Yes, they are lucky that their crappy days are bad hair days or running out of gas. And, yes, maybe they don't know how lucky they are. You have been through a lot I know sometimes you just want to delete people off of your facebook or send them anonymous messages telling them to be grateful and that things could be a lot worse, but that wouldn't help anything.
You used to be that person, too. What you have been through has changed your perspective. Your ideas of things that are important and things that aren't have changed. You define "bad" and "worst day ever" and "joy" differently now because of the things that you have been through, just as other people's definitions are based on the things they have been through. For some reason, you were chosen to walk this journey. And also, just as people don't know what you are going through, you may not know what they are going through either.
Keep thinking about what kind of legacy you want to leave for Carter and for yourself. Surely it's not one of bitterness and envy. It's not the kind where you always have the worst "sob story" and feel sorry for yourself. Hopefully it is one of love, faith, and hope even in the midst of pain. A story of God's grace, mercy, and strength in trials. You have things to be thankful for, too. You have two sons and a wonderful husband. You have an incredibly supportive family.
And, just in case you forgot....you aren't perfect either. You have been shown grace and forgiveness and it is up to you to choose to show those to others as well. Keep working on patience, and grace, and forgiveness. I know you, and I know you will mess up and put your foot in your mouth a few times, but keep trying. And pray, a LOT.
Love, Jana
Showing posts with label Letters to Cohen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Letters to Cohen. Show all posts
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
3 Months - A Letter to Cohen
Dear Cohen,
We can't believe you are 3 months old!! In some ways it feels like you should only be 3 weeks old and in some ways it feels like you should be 3 years old! You are 3 months old and technically, you still haven't reached your due date! When we look back at pictures of your little 1 lb 8 oz self, it's hard to remember that you were ever that small. Small enough to wear your Gramma's wedding ring on your arm. You are our very special miracle.
We are so, so proud of you. We have never known anyone else who has fought as hard as you through so much. I think in a lot of ways we never knew how sick you were until afterwards. We knew you were sick, but we didn't fully comprehend it. But God did. He knew how sick you were and he sent us so many people who prayed and prayed for our family. You are a very loved little boy.
We don't know why this all happened to you and your brother, but we know that you boys have a purpose in this life. You were given to your Mom and Dad for a reason. You and Carter have already taught us so much. We know that you are making a difference in this world already. We can't wait to see what you will do in your life!
We hope you know how much you mean to us and how incredibly grateful we are for you. You and Carter were the best surprise we could have ever asked for. You caused a lot of trouble from the minute we found out about you, but you were both so worth it. We truly believe that God has some big plans for your life. We hope that you always trust in the Lord. Your life hasn't been easy so far, and you will continue to have trials and hard times in your life. Those are the times that you learn the most about yourself and about the God who made you, cares for you, and gave his life for you.
As your Mom and Dad there are so many things that we want for you, things we want you to experience. There are so many things we want to to teach you. We want you to know about your family. About your twin brother. Your Daddy will of course want to teach you about baseball and football. We will make mistakes, so please be patient with us. But most importantly, we want you to know about Jesus. We want you to know that there is someone who loves you more than we ever can. He created you and cares about you. He knows how many hairs are on your head (and if you take after your Mommy, you know that's a lot!) He knows everything that you have and will think, say and do. He loves you no matter what. Of course you will make mistakes, but nothing you ever do will separate you from his love. You are ours and you are His. Forever. We love you so much and we are so thankful for you.
Love,
Mom & Dad
We can't believe you are 3 months old!! In some ways it feels like you should only be 3 weeks old and in some ways it feels like you should be 3 years old! You are 3 months old and technically, you still haven't reached your due date! When we look back at pictures of your little 1 lb 8 oz self, it's hard to remember that you were ever that small. Small enough to wear your Gramma's wedding ring on your arm. You are our very special miracle.
We are so, so proud of you. We have never known anyone else who has fought as hard as you through so much. I think in a lot of ways we never knew how sick you were until afterwards. We knew you were sick, but we didn't fully comprehend it. But God did. He knew how sick you were and he sent us so many people who prayed and prayed for our family. You are a very loved little boy.
We don't know why this all happened to you and your brother, but we know that you boys have a purpose in this life. You were given to your Mom and Dad for a reason. You and Carter have already taught us so much. We know that you are making a difference in this world already. We can't wait to see what you will do in your life!
We hope you know how much you mean to us and how incredibly grateful we are for you. You and Carter were the best surprise we could have ever asked for. You caused a lot of trouble from the minute we found out about you, but you were both so worth it. We truly believe that God has some big plans for your life. We hope that you always trust in the Lord. Your life hasn't been easy so far, and you will continue to have trials and hard times in your life. Those are the times that you learn the most about yourself and about the God who made you, cares for you, and gave his life for you.
As your Mom and Dad there are so many things that we want for you, things we want you to experience. There are so many things we want to to teach you. We want you to know about your family. About your twin brother. Your Daddy will of course want to teach you about baseball and football. We will make mistakes, so please be patient with us. But most importantly, we want you to know about Jesus. We want you to know that there is someone who loves you more than we ever can. He created you and cares about you. He knows how many hairs are on your head (and if you take after your Mommy, you know that's a lot!) He knows everything that you have and will think, say and do. He loves you no matter what. Of course you will make mistakes, but nothing you ever do will separate you from his love. You are ours and you are His. Forever. We love you so much and we are so thankful for you.
Love,
Mom & Dad
Friday, August 5, 2011
2 Months Old!
Dear Cohen,
We can't believe it's been two months since you and your brother were born!! You have come such a long ways and have overcome so much! You have been through more in your little life than a lot of people will go through their whole lives. When you were born we were told your lungs and kidneys weren't working. You had a hole in your heart (your PDA), you got a mysterious fungus, you were intubated for 8 weeks, you self extubated twice, got chest compressions, had numerous IVs and 2 PICC lines. And you fought and fought and fought and overcame it all. We are so, so proud of you little man.
Mommy was holding you the other day and was overwhelmed by how much she loves you. Your Daddy calls your nurse every morning to check on you. He always misses you when he can't be here. We just can't believe that you are ours. We often sit and talk about how cute you are and about the dreams that we have for you. We are so thankful for you.
We have loved getting to see your whole little face for the first time and hear you cry and make little baby noises. You are a sweet boy and often we find you awake just looking around, curious about what is going on. You love your binky and it settles you right down if you get upset.
We are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel (even though it's still at least a month away) and we can't wait to bring you home and be all together as a family. Your Daddy and Mommy talk about how some day we are going to get to take you camping, fishing, and to baseball games. You are such a special little guy and we love you so, so much. Happy 2 month birthday!!!
Love, Mom & Dad
We can't believe it's been two months since you and your brother were born!! You have come such a long ways and have overcome so much! You have been through more in your little life than a lot of people will go through their whole lives. When you were born we were told your lungs and kidneys weren't working. You had a hole in your heart (your PDA), you got a mysterious fungus, you were intubated for 8 weeks, you self extubated twice, got chest compressions, had numerous IVs and 2 PICC lines. And you fought and fought and fought and overcame it all. We are so, so proud of you little man.
Mommy was holding you the other day and was overwhelmed by how much she loves you. Your Daddy calls your nurse every morning to check on you. He always misses you when he can't be here. We just can't believe that you are ours. We often sit and talk about how cute you are and about the dreams that we have for you. We are so thankful for you.
We have loved getting to see your whole little face for the first time and hear you cry and make little baby noises. You are a sweet boy and often we find you awake just looking around, curious about what is going on. You love your binky and it settles you right down if you get upset.
We are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel (even though it's still at least a month away) and we can't wait to bring you home and be all together as a family. Your Daddy and Mommy talk about how some day we are going to get to take you camping, fishing, and to baseball games. You are such a special little guy and we love you so, so much. Happy 2 month birthday!!!
Love, Mom & Dad
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)