The Pumpkin Patch

We have been loving the sunshine around here and we decided to take advantage of it. Normally when we go to pick out pumpkins, the pumpkin patch is a giant mud pit because of all the rain. Not this year! It was sunny and dry and beautiful.

This was Cohen's first trip to the pumpkin patch as last year he was still in the NICU and I was threatening to dress Cohen up in a jailbird costume and take him trick or treating around the NICU. Thankfully, he got home just before Halloween so he got to get dressed up and stay home instead.

 He had just woken up for his nap so he was a little indifferent about what was going on, but he liked crawling around in the dirt and riding in the wagon. This was a local place that had just opened a brand new store to go with their apple orchards and now pumpkin patches. Unfortunately, they haven't gotten all the kinks worked out and we got charged for 100 pounds of pumpkin. Four receipts later we think we got it worked out, but I'm not completely convinced that it all got fixed. I'm going to give it a few days and see after the weekend.

 {Cohen's best find}

Party On

Thank you to everyone who came to Cohen's birthday party (and those of you who wanted to but couldn't, there will be another party next year I'm sure!) I have to be honest and say that I strongly dislike planning parties and such, it was a lot of fun and Cohen deserved it, but I'm glad I don't have to do it again anytime soon!

Cohen got a few toys, a few clothes, lots of stuff that he asked for to put in NICU Care Packages and LOTS of fabric for diapers! We appreciate your support for our ongoing projects.

We had a fun little party and the sun even came out for a bit! I did not take one single picture at the party, these are all from Karen!

{For NICU Care Packages}

 {Lots of fabric for diapers}

 {Auntie Cubby & Dave}

{Look who made an appearance at the party!}

 {Cohen & Isaiah}

{Auntie Eva & Uncle Bruce}

 {Cohen & Danielle}

 {Time for cupcakes!}

 {Fish balloon for Carter}

 {Getting ready to let balloons go}

{Happy Birthday, Carter!}

Happy (almost) Birthday Carter!

To my (almost) one year old boy,

Carter, you are an amazing little boy. I never imagined living my life without you. I hope you have had a wonderful first year up in heaven. We wish with all our hearts that we got to see you grow up and learn to sit and crawl and see your first little tooth poking through and hear you say "mama" and "dada" for the first time. How we wish we got to dress you, change your diapers, get you up from naps, feed you your first foods, snuggle while you drank your bottles, and read you stories.

Like Cohen, you too had your own battle to fight. You were so strong and brave and we are so, so proud of you.  We miss you and think of you every single day. We take Cohen to visit your grave and he sits on your headstone and plays with the toys left there for you. We like to think you are sitting in heaven playing along with him.

You have taught us so much in your little life. You have taught us not to take things for granted and to enjoy all the little moments of life because we just don't know how many we will have. You have showed us the importance of slowing down and cherishing the time we have together. You have taught us that there are things worth fighting for and things that are okay to let go.  Through you, it has become so clear to us that this world is not our home. We are simply passing through and I have never longed more for heaven. You have reminded us that God is good, no matter what. Even though things don't go the way we planned or wanted, he is still in control.

I will never forget when they put you in my arms. You were so tiny and perfect. I counted your little fingers and toes. I begged you to open your little eyes. Just minutes before I had heard your heart beating on the monitors while they got me ready for my c-section and then they were telling me that you weren't going to make it. I didn't want to ever let go of you. When you died you took a piece of my heart with you that I will never get back, a space that will never be filled by anyone else. The time I got to spend with you on earth will never be enough and I will always wish I had just one more minute or hour or day or lifetime. Now, I hold you in my heart until the day I can hold you in my arms and make up for all those days without you. I hope when I get to heaven that you aren't too old to rock to sleep. 

We don't know why you didn't get to stay here with us, but we can only trust in the plans of the Lord and lean on the hope of seeing you again one day. Even though we don't get to have you here, you have brought joy and love to our lives and we wouldn't trade that for anything. You will always and forever be our little boy and Cohen's twin brother. We miss you more than words can say.

Memorial Day Weekend Camping Trip

We had a lot of fun on our little camping adventure. I do need to add a disclaimer: it wasn't really real camping. Our annual memorial day camping trip is usually over in Eastern WA, in the woods, without running water or toilets. We considered still going with Cohen, and then decided that maybe his debut camping trip should be a little closer to home and somewhere with running water.

My parents own a little camping spot in a "gated recreational community" (I had to google what they called it because I didn't have a clue). It's in the woods on the way to Mt Baker and they have a permanent trailer there and also room to bring up their camper and put up tents. It's camping with a kitchen and an indoor option, which is pretty handy.

 

 Cohen loved camping. He slept wonderfully in his pack n play in the camper and took long naps. One night he went to bed at 5:30 and slept until 7 and the next night he went to bed at 6:30, woke up at 5 and played for half an hour then slept in our bed until 8:30 am. It was pretty amazing. Apparently he likes the fresh air.

 {Yep, that's right, the girls put up the tent}

{Driving Grampa's boat}

We ate hot dogs and s'mores of course, but we also had steak, corn on the cob, mashed potatoes, and quinoa. We tried out a new kind of s'mores with graham crackers, chocolate, and bananas. They were delicious. And no family gathering of ours is completely without some kind of ridiculous food challenge. The boys also decided they needed to make a chili cheese s'more and they each took a bite (and promptly spit it out).

  {So much good food, note the corncob behind Cohen's shoulder in the bottom left}

 

Oh, and there is a pool and Cohen went swimming for the first time and he didn't seem to mind it.

{Cohen's first time going swimming}

 

The best part of camping was when we realized that this was it. When Cohen was in the NICU, we would tell him all about how someday we would take him camping and fishing. We talked to him about how when he was a big strong boy we would get to take him on adventures. And this was it, we did it. Here's hoping for lots more camping trips to come!

Easter Weekend - Sunday

Easter morning! He is risen! I had been looking forward to Sunday all weekend. This was a very special Easter for us. We were finally bringing Cohen to church for the first time. I had left a little Easter basket for Danny on the couch the night before. I woke up in the morning with Cohen and came out to the couch to see Easter baskets. Danny has been making me an Easter basket every year since we started dating. I thought he had forgotten/been too busy with his wisdom teeth and all, but nope. He remembered. And it made me very happy. I love that he does this every year and this year he made one for Cohen, too. So, I let Cohen dig through his basket and took a few pictures.

 

I decided not to get Cohen or I dressed until right before we left so that he wouldn't ruin either of our outfits. I had a small moment when I realized that I didn't even know how to take a baby to church! Do I bring his carseat? Do I bring his toys? What if cries? Or burps? Or starts doing his poop grunt? I ended up packing him a small bag, a blanket to swaddle him if he got too wild, and his carseat because we can cover it and sometimes we can get him to go to sleep in there. 

 {This was the best family picture we got...not used to that thing they call "the sun"}

Gramma and Grampa decided to come to our church with us since it was a big day for the little man. We got to church early to claim a spot in the last row where I could sneak out if with Cohen if I needed to. I wasn't quite sure how Cohen would do because he's been a little wild the last couple days with all the activity. We played his calming CD for him before we left which seemed to help a little. I had told our pastor's wife that we would be bringing Cohen on Easter Sunday. She told our pastor who said he was going to announce that we were there. I figured he would forget, but sure enough they announced that we were there with Cohen for the first time and then made us stand up so people could see Cohen. Our pastor gave a brief little overview of what had happened, that Cohen was born at 1 lb 8 oz (which is always so shocking to hear) and that we had lost his twin brother. They also gave us a rose which was really special. Unfortunately, I forgot the rose at church and didn't realize it till we got home. Danny tried to go back for it, but everyone must have left in a hurry for their Easter lunches! 

 Anyway, Cohen made through the first part of church before he was just getting too wiggly and I had to take him out. We walked around the church a little and then sat on a pew right outside the sanctuary where we could still hear things going on but where less people could hear Cohen's babbling and loud sigh/yawning. After awhile Gramma came out and relieved me and I went back to the service. It was so good to have him there and we got to show him off to a few people. Even though it was his naptime, Cohen refused to sleep so we were sure he would take a nice, long nap when we got home. Nope. He slept for 45 minutes and then was up. 

{Gramma and Grampa in the back with Cohen}

We went over to my parent's for Easter dinner and birthday cake for my nephews and my brother. My mom always gets a balloon for Carter at each holiday so we can remember him. We took it outside to let it go. They always blow in the direction of our house :)

 

{Excited to send his brother a balloon}

  {Getting ready to let it go...}

 {There it goes, over to our house. We love you Carter!}

Easter Weekend - Friday

Please forgive the following mass amount of posts...we had a really fun weekend and I have lots I want to remember. Both my boys are in bed early after a busy weekend so I figure I better do it now while I can.

Every year my sister Karen puts on an Easter egg hunt for the kids. She always gets good candy and has lots of eggs. She added a few more this year for me Cohen. It was hailing like crazy about an hour before the hunt but then all of a sudden the sun came out. We walked down to the little park, which is right in between all of our houses, to see if she needed any help spreading out the eggs. But, she was already done! So, we just walked around and let Cohen plan his route.

 {This is what you do with them, right Mom?}

 {Family}

 {I think I'll save this one for later...}

 {Those big kids got nothin' on me...}

 {Egg? Where?}

{Cousins}

{Checking out his loot}

 {Giving Gramma kisses}