Showing posts with label Preemie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Preemie. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
3 Years at Home!
Happy Home-iversary Cohen! After 130 long, grueling days of ups and downs, we finally got to walk out the hospital doors with our son as OURS. Those last few weeks were tough, not some of my finest moments we wanted so badly to be out of the hospital to finally start our lives as a family. It felt like we were stealing Cohen as we packed up all his things, said goodbye to our best nurses who had become like family, took down all of his momentos and packed up our hotel room that had been our "home". We got home to find the house decorated by mom Carol and Karen, and Cohen's room decorated which was much needed since we had basically just up and left over 5 months before. It was bittersweet as we had left our house back in May, having the room set up to bring two babies home, but we were SO excited to bring Cohen in and show him his house (he was thrilled). Everything was exciting...his first diaper at home! His first bottle at home! His first nap at home! Danny and I were laughing the other night about how much easier it was to bring Cohen home, even with his oxygen and feeding tube, than Ezra. We already knew Cohen, he was 4.5 months old, we could just hook up his feeding pump at night and he never cried. (We should have known he was just storing it up for when he turned 3 ) Cohen James, we love you so much little buddy! You amaze us, challenge us, and make us better people. We are so very thankful for you and can't wait to see what God has in store for you!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
The Same Boy?
Sometimes I am in shock and awe when I look at my boy. I sit and wonder...is this really the same boy?
The same little hands that were the size of my finger, that now push trucks and color pictures?
The same skinny arms that once dangled my moms wedding ring off of them, that now throw balls and give hugs?
The same body that once snuggled on our chests for kangaroo care, that now stretches out (and takes up) most of his crib?
The same cheeks that were once covered with tape and tubes, that are now rosy as he plays outside?
The same little nose that once had oxygen in it for months and months, that now handles a cold like a champ?
The same itsy bitsy feet that he once stretched out of his z-flo mattress that now run through the house and climb slides in the yard?
The same little boy that once was overstimulated by touch that now says "again!" when I tickle his back?
I am often overwhelmed when I think about Cohen and his entrance into this world. There are days when I look back at his pictures and wonder how this can possibly be the same boy. But then I see his fighting spirit and his determination and I know that this is indeed that same teeny, tiny micropreemie who is now a big, strong two year old. And I couldn't be more thankful for him and be more amazed at all he has overcome.
The same little hands that were the size of my finger, that now push trucks and color pictures?
The same skinny arms that once dangled my moms wedding ring off of them, that now throw balls and give hugs?
The same body that once snuggled on our chests for kangaroo care, that now stretches out (and takes up) most of his crib?
The same cheeks that were once covered with tape and tubes, that are now rosy as he plays outside?
The same little nose that once had oxygen in it for months and months, that now handles a cold like a champ?
The same itsy bitsy feet that he once stretched out of his z-flo mattress that now run through the house and climb slides in the yard?
The same little boy that once was overstimulated by touch that now says "again!" when I tickle his back?
I am often overwhelmed when I think about Cohen and his entrance into this world. There are days when I look back at his pictures and wonder how this can possibly be the same boy. But then I see his fighting spirit and his determination and I know that this is indeed that same teeny, tiny micropreemie who is now a big, strong two year old. And I couldn't be more thankful for him and be more amazed at all he has overcome.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Rejoicing
I spent some time crying last night, which really isn't anything new, but this time it was different. This time it was for Cohen. I was looking through pictures of him throughout his NICU stay and I was just overwhelmed with how much he has been through.
Those of you who have been reading for awhile know most of what he has been through, and for how hard his life has been. I remember him spending 2 months on the ventilator, bleeding in his lungs and brain, a horrible skin rash that they thought was throughout his body, a PDA, crappy lungs, ROP, having his little feet poked over and over for blood, kidney failure, and the day his breathing tube came out and he turned grey in my arms. At 11 months old, he has had more than his fair share of "life" but I truly believe it will shape the person he is going to become and will just be a part of his story.
I'm not sure why it's hitting me now, if it's because we are getting closer to the time the boys were born. He has been through so much and he truly is amazing. My heart hurts for everything he had to go through and that I couldn't protect him from it. There was a period of time where I feared letting myself love this little boy because I didn't know if I was going to get to keep him. And now he occupies such a huge part of my heart. Those pudgy little fingers that wrap around mine when he drinks his bottle. That one little dimple on his cheek. The long, long toes that we noticed on both boys when they were born.
After last night's tears, today I am rejoicing. Rejoicing in what a strong, driven little boy we have been given. I am so incredibly thankful that we still have him here with us and for every moment we get to spend with him. He brings me more joy than I ever thought possible and I just can't even imagine my life without him.
Those of you who have been reading for awhile know most of what he has been through, and for how hard his life has been. I remember him spending 2 months on the ventilator, bleeding in his lungs and brain, a horrible skin rash that they thought was throughout his body, a PDA, crappy lungs, ROP, having his little feet poked over and over for blood, kidney failure, and the day his breathing tube came out and he turned grey in my arms. At 11 months old, he has had more than his fair share of "life" but I truly believe it will shape the person he is going to become and will just be a part of his story.
I'm not sure why it's hitting me now, if it's because we are getting closer to the time the boys were born. He has been through so much and he truly is amazing. My heart hurts for everything he had to go through and that I couldn't protect him from it. There was a period of time where I feared letting myself love this little boy because I didn't know if I was going to get to keep him. And now he occupies such a huge part of my heart. Those pudgy little fingers that wrap around mine when he drinks his bottle. That one little dimple on his cheek. The long, long toes that we noticed on both boys when they were born.
After last night's tears, today I am rejoicing. Rejoicing in what a strong, driven little boy we have been given. I am so incredibly thankful that we still have him here with us and for every moment we get to spend with him. He brings me more joy than I ever thought possible and I just can't even imagine my life without him.
{This is Cohen wearing his Gramma's wedding ring on his arm}
Friday, March 23, 2012
Parents of Preemies Day
We interrupt our regularly scheduled Fess Up Friday to celebrate Parents of Preemies Day...
I never in a million years thought I would be the parent of a preemie. I had read blogs and heard stories of miracle preemies born too soon. It looked difficult, but I could never even begin to imagine what all it entailed. It's hard, intense, emotional and so rewarding. When you have watched your child struggle for every breath and moment of life, it changes your perspective. There is a lot of worry and fear that comes with having a preemie, but there is also so much joy and celebration.
I never thought I would celebrate pee or poop so much. The first time we saw those drops of pee in Cohen's teeny catheter, we practically jumped up and down. In Cohen's first few days of life, when he was in kidney failure, Danny would wander down to the NICU and check how much pee Cohen had made. In a time of great uncertainty and fear, this was the only thing we could wrap our heads around. We didn't even know what to make of our 1 lb 8 oz baby boy, his ventilator, his numerous lines and cords, and his mostly covered little face. All we could grasp was that he was very sick and he needed to pee. So pray for pee we did! Grampa made the nurses laugh by doing a pee dance and Gramma brought a peppermint in to inspire him to pee (apparently it's what they use to make kids go?). It seems silly now that we were so focused on that one aspect when everything was so serious and overwhelming. But, as a parent of a preemie...that's what you do. You have to find something to focus on and keep you going. You have to have hope and you celebrate even the tiniest of things.
When you see your children born 15 weeks early, eyes still fused closed, paper thin wrinkly skin, and the tiniest little body parts you (probably can't) imagine...it almost doesn't seem real. But there they are, fully formed but just much, much smaller. It's amazing really.
I can remember the exact moment when I realized that Cohen was going to live. It wasn't until he was around 2 months old and I really just hadn't even allowed myself to really accept or believe that he wasn't going to die until that moment. We sat helplessly by as our little boy struggled with one thing after another. And then, finally, finally I believed that he was going to make it. I called my friend Ciera (I don't know if you even remember telling me this) but she said, "It's an amazing feeling when you realize they are going to live". And it was. I just felt like this weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could finally breathe. I could finally let myself really love this little boy without the fear that he was going to be taken away from me. I allowed myself to dream about what could be for our son.
Our love for Cohen continues to grow and grow. We love him more than we ever knew we could love anybody. The trials we have been through have opened our eyes even more to how blessed we are to have him. We are thankful for his fighting, driven personality. On the days where I just want him to hold still and quit growing up so fast, I just remember everything that he has been through. God knew he would need this personality to fight all the odds stacked against him. Someday when he is older and pushing all our buttons and testing his boundaries, we will try and remember this :)
Thank you again to all of our nurses and doctors for everything you did for us. Thank you for helping us keep our sanity during those long, long days of worry and fear. Thank you for helping us find joy in the middle of trials. And thank you to all of you who understand (or try to) why we keep Cohen inside, why we ask you to wash your hands, why we cancel plans if you feel like you are getting sick, and for understanding why we are cautious with him. Thank you for asking how he is doing and for trying to understand what he has been through.
Today we are celebrating our preemies! We are so, so thankful for both our boys. In case you missed their videos or want to watch them again, Carter's is here and Cohen's is here. They both still make me cry every time I watch them.
Go find a preemie or a parent of a preemie today and give them a hug. Thanks for celebrating with us!
I never in a million years thought I would be the parent of a preemie. I had read blogs and heard stories of miracle preemies born too soon. It looked difficult, but I could never even begin to imagine what all it entailed. It's hard, intense, emotional and so rewarding. When you have watched your child struggle for every breath and moment of life, it changes your perspective. There is a lot of worry and fear that comes with having a preemie, but there is also so much joy and celebration.
I never thought I would celebrate pee or poop so much. The first time we saw those drops of pee in Cohen's teeny catheter, we practically jumped up and down. In Cohen's first few days of life, when he was in kidney failure, Danny would wander down to the NICU and check how much pee Cohen had made. In a time of great uncertainty and fear, this was the only thing we could wrap our heads around. We didn't even know what to make of our 1 lb 8 oz baby boy, his ventilator, his numerous lines and cords, and his mostly covered little face. All we could grasp was that he was very sick and he needed to pee. So pray for pee we did! Grampa made the nurses laugh by doing a pee dance and Gramma brought a peppermint in to inspire him to pee (apparently it's what they use to make kids go?). It seems silly now that we were so focused on that one aspect when everything was so serious and overwhelming. But, as a parent of a preemie...that's what you do. You have to find something to focus on and keep you going. You have to have hope and you celebrate even the tiniest of things.
When you see your children born 15 weeks early, eyes still fused closed, paper thin wrinkly skin, and the tiniest little body parts you (probably can't) imagine...it almost doesn't seem real. But there they are, fully formed but just much, much smaller. It's amazing really.
I can remember the exact moment when I realized that Cohen was going to live. It wasn't until he was around 2 months old and I really just hadn't even allowed myself to really accept or believe that he wasn't going to die until that moment. We sat helplessly by as our little boy struggled with one thing after another. And then, finally, finally I believed that he was going to make it. I called my friend Ciera (I don't know if you even remember telling me this) but she said, "It's an amazing feeling when you realize they are going to live". And it was. I just felt like this weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could finally breathe. I could finally let myself really love this little boy without the fear that he was going to be taken away from me. I allowed myself to dream about what could be for our son.
Our love for Cohen continues to grow and grow. We love him more than we ever knew we could love anybody. The trials we have been through have opened our eyes even more to how blessed we are to have him. We are thankful for his fighting, driven personality. On the days where I just want him to hold still and quit growing up so fast, I just remember everything that he has been through. God knew he would need this personality to fight all the odds stacked against him. Someday when he is older and pushing all our buttons and testing his boundaries, we will try and remember this :)
Thank you again to all of our nurses and doctors for everything you did for us. Thank you for helping us keep our sanity during those long, long days of worry and fear. Thank you for helping us find joy in the middle of trials. And thank you to all of you who understand (or try to) why we keep Cohen inside, why we ask you to wash your hands, why we cancel plans if you feel like you are getting sick, and for understanding why we are cautious with him. Thank you for asking how he is doing and for trying to understand what he has been through.
Today we are celebrating our preemies! We are so, so thankful for both our boys. In case you missed their videos or want to watch them again, Carter's is here and Cohen's is here. They both still make me cry every time I watch them.
Go find a preemie or a parent of a preemie today and give them a hug. Thanks for celebrating with us!
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