Rejoicing

I spent some time crying last night, which really isn't anything new, but this time it was different. This time it was for Cohen. I was looking through pictures of him throughout his NICU stay and I was just overwhelmed with how much he has been through.

Those of you who have been reading for awhile know most of what he has been through, and for how hard his life has been. I remember him spending 2 months on the ventilator, bleeding in his lungs and brain, a horrible skin rash that they thought was throughout his body, a PDA, crappy lungs, ROP, having his little feet poked over and over for blood, kidney failure, and the day his breathing tube came out and he turned grey in my arms. At 11 months old, he has had more than his fair share of "life" but I truly believe it will shape the person he is going to become and will just be a part of his story.

I'm not sure why it's hitting me now, if it's because we are getting closer to the time the boys were born. He has been through so much and he truly is amazing. My heart hurts for everything he had to go through and that I couldn't protect him from it. There was a period of time where I feared letting myself love this little boy because I didn't know if I was going to get to keep him. And now he occupies such a huge part of my heart. Those pudgy little fingers that wrap around mine when he drinks his bottle. That one little dimple on his cheek. The long, long toes that we noticed on both boys when they were born.

After last night's tears, today I am rejoicing. Rejoicing in what a strong, driven little boy we have been given. I am so incredibly thankful that we still have him here with us and for every moment we get to spend with him. He brings me more joy than I ever thought possible and I just can't even imagine my life without him. 

{This is Cohen wearing his Gramma's wedding ring on his arm}