One year ago today, I was admitted to the hospital on bedrest.
As Danny and I went to bed tonight, he told me had been thinking about last year and what was going on. And that they weren't good memories. I agree. Whenever I think back on my pregnancy, I think about the fear. The constant fear of the unknown that we were faced with every day.
Today, I don't want to focus on the fear and the pain. I just need to think about other things. One late night I was telling my friend about the fears that I still have of losing Cohen. Even though he is "fine", I am still so afraid of losing him. But, I don't want to focus on that either. My friend suggested writing down all the things I hope for him over the next year. That sounds like a better idea to focus on, so here we go.
I hope to see you walk
I hope to show you how incredibly much we love you
I hope to hear you say "Dada"
I hope to continue to hear you laugh and see you smile
I hope to take you to less doctors appointments
I hope you continue to let me snuggle you
I hope to hear you make animal noises when we ask you "What noise does the...say?"
I hope to keep you healthy and out of the hospital
I hope to take you to the zoo
I hope to take you on playdates
I hope you get to meet your friends Jonathan and Daniel for the first time
I hope to take you to the beach
I hope to rock you before bed
I hope to read you your favorite stories
I hope that you stay my little boy forever and ever
I hope that you always know how incredibly loved you are