Being a Mom

Honestly, I keep forgetting that both Mother's Day and my birthday are coming. I think I just keep putting it out of my mind.

Being a mom has changed me in more ways than I ever thought possible. My trip to motherhood didn't go in any of the ways I had imagined or planned. I have learned that being a mom doesn't always look the same to everyone. I will always be Carter's mom, even if I don't get to parent and raise him. He is my son and I am his mom, and nothing can take that away. If we hadn't experienced such a tremendous loss, I wouldn't be the same person I am today. Knowing that I am missing out on seeing Carter crawl, and babble, and pull up, and nap, and cause trouble, makes me value those things even more in Cohen.

Being a mom of a preemie has also changed me. I think that I wouldn't have appreciated and enjoyed all of the little and big things that Cohen does. Of course I would have been excited about everything my baby does, but knowing what could have been and how hard Cohen has worked to get where he is today, makes me truly appreciate those moments even more. We know how blessed we are to have Cohen here with us, makes us strive to not take any of those moments for granted.

My journey to motherhood also showed me what kind of a mom I want to be through my own mom. I will never be able to fully thank her for everything she did for me. She has been a true example of complete selflessness through all of this. I love you, Mom!

Cohen and Carter, thank you for teaching me about life and what matters and how to love more than I ever thought possible.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mom's with babies in heaven or on earth, and to all you soon to be mom's!