Danny has Wednesdays off of work for the summer so he drives down after work on Tuesdays and then leaves for work from here on Thursday mornings. After I got to hold Cohen yesterday I asked the nurse today if Danny could hold him when he got here today. He has been stable enough that she thought that would be a good idea. I was so excited all day for Danny to finally get to hold him. Cohen enjoyed his snuggle time with his dad and was very well behaved again. He got to snooze with his daddy for about 2 hours. Not much excitement today other than that. His labs were checked this morning and his kidneys are doing fine but his liver function tests were up a little so they are going to continue to watch those. Cohen's nicu friend gave him some of his old preemie clothes that he has outgrown. Cohen doesn't get to wear clothes quite yet but we put one of the little hats on him and it fit perfectly! He looked like a little cupcake :)
There will probably be quite a few posts with my rambling, but it helps me process everything that is going on. I think that by being a mom I am learning more about the heart of God. Last night in Psalms I was reading about how the Lord takes delight in us as his children. He wants to bless us and he wants good things for us. This is something I have struggled with but when I look at Cohen, it starts to make more sense to me. I think everything he does is so cute, from his wiggling fingers and toes to his grumpy faces that he makes. I truly do delight in him, even in the smallest things that he does. I could sit and look at Cohen all day (and I often do!). When Cohen has to get his blood drawn, or a new IV started, or his little rash poked at, it hurts me too. I would do anything to take his pain away. The Lord is always thinking of us, always finding ways to bless us, waiting for us to look to him. He doesn't want bad things to happen to us. They do happen, that's a part of life with sin and he does allow us to go through them, but he hurts with us. He feels our pain and he walks with us, offering to carry our load for us. I know he has been carrying our burdens for us through this. I don't know how anyone who didn't have someone greater and more powerful than themselves to believe in would be able to make it through this.
On another note, I am so thankful for the nurses in the nicu. Cohen is getting to the point where he has "regular" nurses who know him and everything he has been through. They take such good care of him and it makes leaving him at night so much easier. The nurses have also been a huge support to me as I am there all day. They make sure to check and see how I am doing, whether I have had lunch, and if I am taking little breaks out for myself or with Danny. They have given me shoulders to cry and ears to listen. It takes a really special kind of person to take care of these teeny, tiny babies and their parents as well. We are so grateful to them!
Hi, I am the gal you don't know who has posted thoughts and prayers to you before and am still praying for your family. I am sorry I have posted in awhile to let you know I was still praying and supporting from afar. We were pregnant and at 9 weeks 5 days went for our 1st ultra sound with our 2 daughters in tow. Well sadly they didn't see a heartbeat and yesterday I had to have a DnC. I was catching up on your post and what you wrote of Carter and how you were mad at God helped me alot cause I was feeling the same way. We had prayed for another child and after almost 2 years of trying God answered out prayers so I was hurt and confused why we had to lose our baby. The words you wrote were so helpful to me words can't explain so thank you for your honesty and sharing your heart, you never know how it may help someone else like you did for me. God bless you all and I will continue to pray. Jen in AZ
ReplyDeleteDanny and Jana - You guys have been in my thoughts and prayers and I'm so glad to see you both have had a chance to bond with your precious little boy. I know that we don't see each other or talk much, but I just wanted you to know that I've been following along and I'm so thankful that you share all these wonderful pictures and updates with everyone.
ReplyDeleteYour feelings are so normal & so true. Even though I went through this very same thing 28 years ago I still wonder if God was mad at me for being so angry. Deep down I know he wasn't. I know he was there. I to cannot understand how anyone can go through this without walking with our Lord & Savior. To this day, I still tell people if I had an enemy, I could not wish this on them. Keep up your faith, walk & talk with Jesus. Sometimes it is very hard. He does carry you through. When your tears are flowing, so are His. He doesn't like to see us suffer. His footprints are right beside us. When we don't see them, we are in His arms, he carries us through these hard times. I learned alot about our Lord & Savior during this time. Your family is in my prayers. I continue to pray for your little one & that God will continue to provide more miracles in his life.
ReplyDeleteDanny,
ReplyDeleteThis is so great that you got to hold Cohen also! What neat photos Jana has shared. I see that you have the biggest smile in the first photo and it got me teary-eyed that you got to hold your son. You look so happy. The second one, you do look a little apprehensive, but who wouldn't with not only his little fragile body but all those tubes. This is such an exciting blog. Your mom came up and I shared it and other blogs with her last night. We are still praying! Sending a hug!
Kathy