Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Mad

I'm mad that our car is still in the shop. I'm mad that it is going to cost an arm and a leg to fix it. I'm mad that we can't quite seem to catch a break. I'm mad that I don't get to be with my husband. I'm mad that I've been living away from home for 4 months. I'm mad that my baby is still weeks away from coming home. I'm mad that I see so many other people that are either pregnant or pushing their happy little babies around in their strollers. I'm mad that they probably don't realize how lucky they are. I want to push my baby in a stroller. I want to push both of my babies in a stroller. I'm mad that I can't just get away and turn off my brain for a week or even a day. I'm mad that I feel like I have nothing left to give to my family. I'm mad that I'm mad.
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7 comments:

  1. AnonymousSeptember 7, 2011 at 9:19 PM

    I love you Jana!
    <3 Christine

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  2. d.c.r.k.soptichSeptember 7, 2011 at 10:31 PM

    You go girl! You deserve a good venting session!

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  3. AnonymousSeptember 8, 2011 at 10:10 AM

    It's ok to feel mad! Let it out, you will feel so much better! I'm happy we all get to see you this weekend! Tam :)

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  4. UnknownSeptember 8, 2011 at 1:56 PM

    Dear Mom,
    I had to have Gramma type this while she was here, as you know, they won't let me have my Smart Phone in the NICU. I know you get mad, I do too, sometimes. I want to go home and BE with you and dad, I want to ride in the dumb broken down car, and can't WAIT to ride in the stroller! And we can stay up ALL NIGHT when I get home! I am sad my brother Carter is not here with us. But I remember how hard you worked for us. You lay in bed for months, spent your vacation in Hawaii in a strange ER, packed snacks everywhere you went. Laid awake for many nights while they chased us around with monitors, rode in an ambulance to Children's, while you were so big you could hardly breathe. And drank lots and lots of milkshakes for us. And made many road trips to Seattle, all for us!

    Don't feel like you have nothing left to give me and dad. I know when you are here, everyday! I love to look at your face and smell your good shampoo. You have spent these summer days with our buddy Mr. Pump. I know it is hard not to be at home but I LOVE having you hang out here with me, especially when I know now you can pick me up whenever I grunt and cry! I love you so much Mom! (please don't take that poop splattering personally, when a guys gotta go, a guys gotta go!)
    Love Forever and ever,
    Your boy Cohen

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  5. TiffanySeptember 8, 2011 at 2:01 PM

    ^^^ Well said, Cohen. You've sure got a pretty amazing mom, don't you?

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  6. TiffanySeptember 8, 2011 at 2:02 PM

    I know you're mad. Would you like me to take you somewhere isolated so you can scream?

    (((hugs))) Love you guys

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  7. NicoleSeptember 8, 2011 at 5:25 PM

    I know it has been a heck of a long time since we have talked, probably pushing 4 years but I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and I read your blog every day. I work at Children's and last night on my way to work I saw you walking on the side walk by UW "mad" and I just wanted to pull over and give you a huge hug. But I thought that would be super strange. I hang out with parents like you every day at work and I can't imagine the stress you are under, but I know God loves you and will give you strength to get through everything he has planned. Let me know if I could ever bring you anything, I work every monday tuesday wednesday night.

    Nicole Simon

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