Echo Tomorrow

Cohen has kind of a big week coming up as he gets his echo tomorrow which will determine kind of what the next steps are for him. I had a kind of a rough day today because as they were getting Cohen out of his isolette to put him on me for kangaroo care he dropped really low in his oxygen and his heart rate and it really scared me. He's done this before but not usually that low for that long and I've never been holding him when it has happened. Also, his Dr came by and we talked for a little bit about Cohen and his progress. Lately, I've been feeling a little bit like he really isn't making very much progress and I wanted him to be getting better faster. She reminded us that first of all he was born really early and that second he has had to deal with all the things that come along with the twin to twin transfusion. She told us to think about where he was last week and four weeks ago. And he really has come a long way when we thought about it like that. She helped us put things into perspective a little. Sometimes I think I get so focused on the little details that I forget about the big picture. They would like for him to be off the ventilator but he has been dealing with so many other things like his rash, his premature lungs, his poor kidney function, his PDA etc. He is also a "wimpy white boy" as they call them...statistically, white boys make the slowest progress in their lung function and getting off the ventilator. So, he may spend more time on the ventilator just growing and getting stronger.

As I was asking the Dr questions about Cohen and his care, she said that she felt like I was "waiting for the other shoe to drop", which I didn't quite realize. I guess it's just been hard to see our baby struggling and not be reminded of the fact that we have already lost one baby. We are hoping and praying that things turn out well for Cohen and that he grows to be big and strong and we look forward to the day we get to take him home. But, at the same time, we have had so many problems with the whole pregnancy and delivery and losing Carter that sometimes it just feels like we are waiting for whatever is going to happen next. We know this is all out of our control and in God's hands. I try and remind myself that there isn't anyone better to be in control than the God of the universe. Please pray that I don't lose sight of that and that I can put all of my trust in Him to take care of Cohen, Danny and I. Also, please pray for Cohen tomorrow as he gets his echo. We are really praying that his PDA will look smaller so that he might not have to have surgery. Also, please continue to pray for his lungs that they will continue to improve and he will grow lots of new lung tissue to help his breathing.

Cohen was really awake for quite awhile today. He had his eyes wide open and he was just looking around. We would put his blankets back over his isolette thinking that then maybe he would go to sleep, but then we would peek in and he would still be wide awake. Danny was reading him a story and he just sat there with his eyes open, listening. It was pretty cute. We are hoping that after his echo tomorrow and the Drs all getting together with the infectious disease people they can start to establish more of a plan for him based on the information they get.