Sometimes I get to see Carter in my dreams. Whenever I dream about him it's always about how it was a mistake that he died. At some point I had been told that he died but now I was rejoicing in the fact that somehow it wasn't true. One time I was holding Carter, just like I did the night he died. He looked just like he did that night, like he was merely asleep, only this time he opened his eyes. In my dreams I'm also always aware that it isn't going to last, that soon I will wake up and it will be over.
But, for those brief moments, I get to be together with my boys. I get to have twins. I get to see them together. It's wonderful to see Carter, but it can be so heartbreaking to wake up.