That will never happen. I wish I could make it stop hurting, I really and truly do. I want to be 100% happy that Carter is in heaven and having a fine time, but I can't. I love and respect the person who said this and I know they were just trying to make things better on a hard day. But I didn't choose this and I certainly didn't ask for this. My son is gone, and that will never stop hurting. Can I choose not to wallow in it and let it consume me? Of course I can. I can choose to not let it define me or keep me from living life, but I can't turn off a switch and make it not be painful. It has been getting easier (before all the milestones came up) and the sad days are fewer and farther between, but they are still there. To say that one day I won't hurt over my baby is like saying that he didn't matter. If you cut off your arm, would you just wake up and be okay with it? Would you never think about what you are missing because of it? I'm not so sure you would. I wish with all my heart I could go back to my old self, one who doesn't cry all the time or have really bad days. But, I can't, and I am doing my best to get through.
This is a process and I am working my way through it. I am going to have bad days and I am going to have better days. One of my hopes for this blog is that it can help others better understand what it's like to lose a child. I know there is no possible way you can fully understand if you haven't been there, but I hope this at least you get a glimpse into what it's like. I don't want anyone to ever have to know what it's like, but if I can help one person help someone else who is hurting then it would be worth it. I wrote this post awhile ago about things to say or not say to someone who has lost a child.
Through all of this, I have made friends and I have lost friends. I have found out who my true friends are and have been supported by so many people. And again, I really do appreciate all of your support. I found this on Pinterest and thought it was fitting.