Monday, June 18, 2012


I don't know if it's the first birthday or what but for some reason I just have little things from Cohen's NICU stay stuck in my head. Whenever I turn down the volume on my phone, I get this little anxious feeling. When Cohen was in the NICU, I had the hardest time leaving him at night. It just isn't natural for a mom to leave her baby with someone else, especially at bedtime. Every night when I went to bed I would turn my phone volume up all the way and set it right next to my head. I would frequently wake up to check my phone and make sure I didn't miss anything (as if I could with the volume up loud enough to be heard in another country). Sometimes I would even get these really horrible feelings and call the NICU in the middle of the night to make sure he was okay. I remember so many nights of waiting to get "the call" telling us to hurry and come in because Cohen wasn't going to make it. I remember the first night I stayed at the home alone, I was so nervous that Cohen was going to need me and I wouldn't be able to get to the hospital because I didn't have a car.

Honestly, I don't know how we are still (somewhat) sane. I have been going through a lot of Cohen's NICU pictures. They have always just been normal to me but now, they kind of hurt my heart a little bit. Cohen, and so many other preemies, went through more than any little baby should ever have to go through. I have such a strong, brave baby and we are so glad to have him home with us. I am so thankful that there is absolutely no way that a human body and mind can process the magnitude of it all. I am thankful for "go mode" that keeps you on your feet in the face of incredible trials. I am thankful for the hundreds of prayers that carried us through it all.


  1. Well said, thank the good Lord that he carries us through the seemingly impossible.

  2. I am thankful for the go mode too! And I totally get the whole picture thing. Recently when I look at pictures I see things I never saw...the bruises on her body the day after she was born, the way the tape for her breathing tube pulled on her hurts my heart and I sob. I think they are healing tears. I'm so thankful that God is revealing these things to me a little bit at a time. I'm certain that it would be too painful if it all came at once. Hang in there and big hugs to you!

    1. We have lots of pictures with Cohen's poor little face getting pulled :( Those things that seemed so normal at the time now just make me feel so bad. Thankfully, we have some strong little babies on our hands and I'm sure they won't even remember!