A few of Cohen's favorite night nurses were there on his last night which made me feel better. I packed up most of his stuff and they helped me pick out his going home outfit. One of them made the comment about how it must feel good to have picking out his outfit be the most stressful thing I have to think about. And it's true. After 4 months, well actually more like 9 months since the whole pregnancy was quite stressful, of being on a constant up and down roller coaster it did feel good to actually have time think about something normal like picking out Cohen's outfit. Of course our lives still aren't back to normal but we are getting to what will be our new normal.
I gave Cohen his bottle, changed his diaper, and kissed him goodnight. I thought about the irony of how excited I was that soon I wouldn't have to leave him at night. Most parents don't leave their kids overnight for quite some time and that's all we've ever known. Up until now we had never gotten to stay with Cohen overnight. I set out his outfit and left him at the hospital for the last time. I was so excited that he would finally get to be all ours. This probably will sound weird unless you've been through it, but it's hard to truly believe that a child is yours when he is in someone else's care. We loved him and took care of him as much as we could but in the end he wasn't ours to have the freedom to take care of. Sometimes it still will hit me at weird times that yes, he really is ours! No one is going to come take him away from us or tell us when we can or can't feed him or hold him. We loved the care that he got in the NICU but it just isn't the same in any way as having your baby at home.
We also had a few visitors on his last night. Tamara and Lindsey stopped by to bring us some dinner (thanks!) and get a little snuggle time with Cohen before he moved far away. It was nice to be closer to our friends for a little while. My wonderful Dr who took care of me in the hospital and delivered the boys also stopped by to see Cohen. I wasn't really sure how I would react to seeing her again since I get a little anxious with things like the clinic we had our appointments at, pregnant people, and things associated with our hard pregnancy and delivery. But, I was so happy to see her and to get to show Cohen off to her. He has come such a long way since the last time she saw him.
{Cohen and Auntie Lindsey}
{Cohen and Auntie Tamara}
{Cohen and Dr W}
Once we got back to the home we spent some time packing up what had been our lives for the last few months and trying to stuff it in the car. Somehow it all fit in there and we even left a little room for Cohen. I went to bed but woke up every few hours. I was just way too excited to get any good sleep. I kept thinking about all the things we could finally do when we got him home. We could take him for a walk in his stroller. We could put him in his crib and watch him sleep. We could lay a blanket on the floor and let him play. We could snuggle on the couch watching our favorite movies. Mixed in with the excitement was some anxiety. We had never taken care of him all by ourselves. Would we be able to? What if something happened, the nearest hospital is a 30 minute drive. What if he didn't like being home?
After a night of fitful sleep we woke up bright and early to go and get Cohen and bring him HOME!!!! We said goodbye to the Collegiana "the home" one last time. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty thrilled about it. I lived in the big city for 4 years in college and 2 years after and that was enough for me. I hate traffic and stoplights that take forever. I won't miss the bikers flying across the street on the Burke Gilman trail and not even looking to see if the oncoming car was going to stop. I won't miss the stoplight to turn onto Pacific that if you miss takes forever to turn green again. I won't miss paying for parking and getting parking tickets. I won't miss having to parallel park because I never have to do it and I'm terrible at it! I won't miss the twin bed with the mattresses that were so hard we had to go to Costco and buy memory foam. I won't miss having people stomp around in the room above us. I won't miss coming out the door and seeing the bus drive by without me. I won't miss being away from Danny and my family. I won't miss restaurants or fast food (well maybe Agua Verde...if you are ever over by UW go there and get the chicken tacos). I won't miss telling my mom and dad that the water at the home smells like a toilet and then coming back the next day and seeing that they had a "sewage problem". I won't miss living out of a paper bag. I won't miss waking up in the night to the sound of breaking glass, don't worry it was just a wine bottle not a car window like I thought.
{Saying goodbye to "the home"}
{Minor hole in the floor from the plumbing issue}
{Four months of junk stuffed into the car}
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