Busy Mom

I hope you all enjoyed Cohen's post yesterday, he worked very hard on it. I knew when Cohen came home that I would be busy, but I never knew I would be this busy. I have always been busy with school and then working but this is a different kind of busy. My days are filled with things like laundry, bottle washing, milk mixing, pumping, bottle feeding, getting barfed on, checking tube placement, tube feedings, nasal cannula taping (and re-taping), oxygen checking, diaper changing, clothes changing, and doorknob wiping. And I love it. I really do. Of course I'm tired but I don't care. Danny says this is the only time he has seen someone wake me up and have me not be mad at them. I'm not the best waker upper, I always get up on the wrong side of the bed if it's too early. And I am NOT a morning person, Danny or any of my old roommates or coworkers will confirm that. As busy as we have been, we really are enjoying our time at home. The important things get done and sometimes the other stuff doesn't. But I don't think I will ever look back at my life and think about how I wish I would have had a clean house instead of snuggling with Cohen or reading him stories.

Gramma came over to babysit Cohen for a little bit so I could run to the grocery store. I also stopped by Carter's grave. I started thinking about how much busier I would have been with two babies. I wish more than anything I could know what that feels like. I know it would have been hard, but we would have figured out. We still have two sets of matching clothes hanging in the closet. I don't know what to do with them. They were Carter's. Even though he never got to wear them, they are his. I guess it will just take some time and some adjusting to the reality that we didn't bring both of our boys home. It's the whole mixed joy and sorrow thing again. We are beyond thrilled to have Cohen home, but just wishing that we could be snuggling both our boys.