Gramma here. Jana suggested a guest blog:
This could and maybe should be a book! I will try to keep it short. This may be all over the place, but I have so many thoughts and emotions tonight, as Jana and I chat back and forth about Cohen coming home, putting him in the CAR and LEAVING Seattle after so many long and emotional months.
I can NOT believe I am writing this BUT in 12 hours Cohen, Jana and Danny will be coming home! It has been a long 5 months for the whole family. Their siblings who miss and love them so much. Their niece and nephews who miss them. We have tried to help them were we could, and support them in their journey.
This could and maybe should be a book! I will try to keep it short. This may be all over the place, but I have so many thoughts and emotions tonight, as Jana and I chat back and forth about Cohen coming home, putting him in the CAR and LEAVING Seattle after so many long and emotional months.
I can NOT believe I am writing this BUT in 12 hours Cohen, Jana and Danny will be coming home! It has been a long 5 months for the whole family. Their siblings who miss and love them so much. Their niece and nephews who miss them. We have tried to help them were we could, and support them in their journey.
Carter:
We are missing our Carter so much. The more we grow to love Cohen, we are aware of the deep loss in our family circle. We will never have a dinner, BBQ, camping trip where we do not miss Carter and long for the time when we can again hold him in our arms.
When Jana found out she was having twins, we said, don’t worry, we will help. When she worried about preemies and being at the UW we said, don’t worry, we will get a condo there or move down if we have to. When she went to the UW on bed rest our long road journey began. Trying to not leave her alone. Danny would leave for work and I would hit the road at 4 am, so we only had to leave her alone and hour. When he was heading down, I would head home. Then the call on June 5, “Mom, are you coming?” Of course, our bags were packed and we hit the road. When we got there and Danny met us in the hall and said “baby B didn’t make it”. The world stood still. We were all in shock. I was so thankful to have Karen drive down with me and on the long drive back home as the sun came up. We were rushed right in to see Cohen. Tiny Cohen, who could wear my wedding ring on his wrist. Then we went in to see Jana, holding Carter. Beautiful perfect Carter. It’s so hard to be the mom and try to keep it together for my daughter. I can never heal this hurt. Kiss it and make it better. Give the right advice. I can just hold her and cry when she cries. Making burial arrangements for a grandchild, NOT supposed to happen. I have never experienced such pain. God had other plans for our family. I know with all my heart He makes no mistakes and loves us so much, but this does not lessen the pain. No amount of food, ice water or cupcakes can take Jana's pain away. It feels helpless at times. I watched Jana fight day after day for the boys. The pain, having so much fluid in her she could not eat of breathe, pain from bed rest, ambulance rides to children's, Forcing herself to eat so the boys would grow big. All the endless ultrasounds, and monitoring. Not sleeping for days. I always say I want to grow up to be half the woman she is! I will never forget the ultrasounds of the last week before the boys were born, Cohen was trying to head out and Carter was always lying against Cohen with his head on Cohen's heart. I know that God is in control. His plan is perfect. Jana and Danny have done more on the parent front the most of us will ever face. I pray that God will continue to bless these dear children of ours.
“the Lord will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” Psalm 121: 7-8
Cohen:
You are coming HOME! I was holding my breath today while we waited for the Dr to check his eyes. We have waited and planned and shopped and had showers and cleaned and now the day is here! I could not hold back. I started crying and could not stop. Jana asked 3 times if I would be ok. It was such happiness and relief, I guess. I cried down the smelly elevators and in line to pay for parking and went to the home and called Warren, Karen and Christine. I could not catch my breath! Cohen, such a strong little fellow. So many days he battled. Now the nurses say how sick he was, and I just don’t think we realized HOW sick. The nurse said yesterday he has so many things that should be problems and they just aren’t! Because of his prematurity he should have “hernias down to his knees”. He doesn't have one! After so long on the ventilator they can have oral aversion, where they don’t suck or eat. He loves his food! and is taking several full feeds by bottle each day. Today I called the nurse over, and said “is he sucking, swallowing and breathing all at once?” (usually it is suck suck breathe breathe) and she said “he sure is!” he is learning quickly. His hearing is fine, kidneys, brain bleed gone. We know his very life is a miracle and each step of the way has been a miracle. He turns his head and follows Jana and Danny's voices. He looks into Jana's face with that baby look in his eyes that just says “I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING MOM!” It has been many tears, joys and meeting some of the finest people EVER in the NICU. Those nurses are angels here on earth. We had so many exceptional people who cared for Cohen and Jana and whoever needed it that day.
I will miss: Going to the hospital at 7 am and holding Cohen and watching the sun come up from his window, while telling him all about his family. Cohen passing gas so loud the nurses thought it was me. Coffee at the Trinity Market. If you are ever on Roosevelt in the U district, don’t miss it! This kept me going many days when I thought I just can’t do this, I want to run away, I want to sleep a few days. Watching really stupid TV with Jana.
I will NOT miss: The “home”, the smelly water, parking tickets, parking meters, parking validation, parking garages, People coughing and sneezing in the elevators! Smelly elevators, traffic, rush hour (which is all day in the city) fast food in any form. Not knowing where I am when I wake up,
Don’t get me wrong, we are so thankful for the care at the UW. The finest in the world! Just a season of life I am happy to be moving on from . I am so thankful and proud of my kids, who have helped, given, sacrificed and given again. They are truly a blessing.
I am so happy tonight to be home, knowing that Cohen will be in his home with his beautiful, strong, loving parents tomorrow!
Welcome Home, little buddy!!
When Jana found out she was having twins, we said, don’t worry, we will help. When she worried about preemies and being at the UW we said, don’t worry, we will get a condo there or move down if we have to. When she went to the UW on bed rest our long road journey began. Trying to not leave her alone. Danny would leave for work and I would hit the road at 4 am, so we only had to leave her alone and hour. When he was heading down, I would head home. Then the call on June 5, “Mom, are you coming?” Of course, our bags were packed and we hit the road. When we got there and Danny met us in the hall and said “baby B didn’t make it”. The world stood still. We were all in shock. I was so thankful to have Karen drive down with me and on the long drive back home as the sun came up. We were rushed right in to see Cohen. Tiny Cohen, who could wear my wedding ring on his wrist. Then we went in to see Jana, holding Carter. Beautiful perfect Carter. It’s so hard to be the mom and try to keep it together for my daughter. I can never heal this hurt. Kiss it and make it better. Give the right advice. I can just hold her and cry when she cries. Making burial arrangements for a grandchild, NOT supposed to happen. I have never experienced such pain. God had other plans for our family. I know with all my heart He makes no mistakes and loves us so much, but this does not lessen the pain. No amount of food, ice water or cupcakes can take Jana's pain away. It feels helpless at times. I watched Jana fight day after day for the boys. The pain, having so much fluid in her she could not eat of breathe, pain from bed rest, ambulance rides to children's, Forcing herself to eat so the boys would grow big. All the endless ultrasounds, and monitoring. Not sleeping for days. I always say I want to grow up to be half the woman she is! I will never forget the ultrasounds of the last week before the boys were born, Cohen was trying to head out and Carter was always lying against Cohen with his head on Cohen's heart. I know that God is in control. His plan is perfect. Jana and Danny have done more on the parent front the most of us will ever face. I pray that God will continue to bless these dear children of ours.
“the Lord will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” Psalm 121: 7-8
Cohen:
You are coming HOME! I was holding my breath today while we waited for the Dr to check his eyes. We have waited and planned and shopped and had showers and cleaned and now the day is here! I could not hold back. I started crying and could not stop. Jana asked 3 times if I would be ok. It was such happiness and relief, I guess. I cried down the smelly elevators and in line to pay for parking and went to the home and called Warren, Karen and Christine. I could not catch my breath! Cohen, such a strong little fellow. So many days he battled. Now the nurses say how sick he was, and I just don’t think we realized HOW sick. The nurse said yesterday he has so many things that should be problems and they just aren’t! Because of his prematurity he should have “hernias down to his knees”. He doesn't have one! After so long on the ventilator they can have oral aversion, where they don’t suck or eat. He loves his food! and is taking several full feeds by bottle each day. Today I called the nurse over, and said “is he sucking, swallowing and breathing all at once?” (usually it is suck suck breathe breathe) and she said “he sure is!” he is learning quickly. His hearing is fine, kidneys, brain bleed gone. We know his very life is a miracle and each step of the way has been a miracle. He turns his head and follows Jana and Danny's voices. He looks into Jana's face with that baby look in his eyes that just says “I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING MOM!” It has been many tears, joys and meeting some of the finest people EVER in the NICU. Those nurses are angels here on earth. We had so many exceptional people who cared for Cohen and Jana and whoever needed it that day.
I will miss: Going to the hospital at 7 am and holding Cohen and watching the sun come up from his window, while telling him all about his family. Cohen passing gas so loud the nurses thought it was me. Coffee at the Trinity Market. If you are ever on Roosevelt in the U district, don’t miss it! This kept me going many days when I thought I just can’t do this, I want to run away, I want to sleep a few days. Watching really stupid TV with Jana.
I will NOT miss: The “home”, the smelly water, parking tickets, parking meters, parking validation, parking garages, People coughing and sneezing in the elevators! Smelly elevators, traffic, rush hour (which is all day in the city) fast food in any form. Not knowing where I am when I wake up,
Don’t get me wrong, we are so thankful for the care at the UW. The finest in the world! Just a season of life I am happy to be moving on from . I am so thankful and proud of my kids, who have helped, given, sacrificed and given again. They are truly a blessing.
I am so happy tonight to be home, knowing that Cohen will be in his home with his beautiful, strong, loving parents tomorrow!
Welcome Home, little buddy!!
Some of my favorites:
NICU nurses DO rule!
WHO are YOU and WHAT have you done with my mother!!!
Little man likes to help with the bottle
AND NICU nurses are COUG fans!!
The smiles on this day were a blessing. SO happy to be "free" with their baby!
I am a cousin of Shawn and Nina Haynes. I have been following this blog ever since Christine posted it on Facebook and WOW! This is a huge journey, and I know it's not over... Cohen has so much more coming! This particular blog post was a tearjerker for me, as it is from Gramma's perspective. I am so happy for you all that Cohen gets to come home with you all! God Bless!
ReplyDeleteCarol it is precious to hear your heart! Thank you for sharing! Jana what a brilliant idea to have your mom do a blog! I am so excited for the Kimmel family to get into their home!
ReplyDeleteMuch much love and prayers!
Christine
On Nov 24 my premie will be 29 yrs old. She to is healthy & strong. Carol You could not of said it any better. It is such a roller coaster. I had tears in my eyes the whole time I read your post. My prayers go out to your daugher, son-in-law and your little grandson. This is a whole new journey now that they are home. Following this blog almost from the beginning I could relate to so much that Jana talked about. It seems like such a dream but it is so real. I don't know how anyone can go through this without having God & family support. God is good!!
ReplyDelete