I have been having moments where I will just start crying for no reason the last couple days, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. And then I realized, my due date was rapidly approaching. While we knew that twins are almost always early, we had no idea the journey we were about to be thrown into. Dates have never really been that important to me. Neither Danny or I could ever remember the day we started dating. After many, many months of not celebrating a monthly dating anniversary, we finally just picked a day to be "our day".
Lately, my life circles around a number of dates that I feel like I could never forget. The day I got admitted to the hospital, the day our boys were born, our due date, and the day that Cohen came home. I remember all of them.
Of course I remember all those days in between so clearly too. With each passing month I remember looking at Cohen and thinking "He still shouldn't have been born yet". I got emails from baby websites about the kind of fruit that Cohen should have been the size of... if I were still pregnant. While I would have much rather had him safe inside, it was amazing to get to watch what should have been happening on the inside happen on the outside. We watched our teeny, baby with his paper thin skin, ears without cartilage, and eyes fused shut, grow up to look like a "real" baby.
We had heard that most preemies get to
go home by their due date. As it neared, we would get a few hesitant
"maybe"s but it wasn't looking likely that Cohen would be home by his
due date. In fact, it would be an additional month before he would be
home, with our begging and pleading. Cohen has always done things in his own time, in his own way. Last year, I spent our due date alone with Cohen in the NICU. Holding my baby and wishing I had one in each arm.
This year what I've been thinking about is how much time feels like it has passed since the boys' birthday and my upcoming due date. Nearly 4 months, over 100 days, have passed between Cohen's first birthday celebration and where we are now. An entire summer has come and gone.
As I watch my little boy cruise around the house and crawl with lightning speed, I can't help but be amazed. Amazed at the obstacles that babies so tiny can overcome, and also still aware of the fragility of life. I don't think we will do anything special tomorrow, just remember how blessed we are and how far Cohen has come.