Netflix has made its re-entrance back into the Kimmel household. I have started watching this show called "Out of the Wild". It's a reality show about people who volunteer to be dropped into the middle of the wild and have to find their way back out. If they get injured or want to quit, they can push a button and a rescue helicopter comes to get them and take them home. They learn how to work as a team, capitalizing on their individual strengths to all come together and survive.
This show is a strangely good comparison to how our lives have felt over the last year or so. Although we didn't volunteer for it, we felt like we were plucked up out of our comfortable lives and dropped into the wild. We fought our way through the world of the NICU and the world of grief. Something utterly and completely different then the life we were used to. We were forced to find ways to survive and not succumb to the "wild". Although in our experience, there was no "rescue button" to take us out of the wilderness and put us back into our old lives. We couldn't make it all just go away when we were tired of it. Not even our wounds gave us an out. There were many times when we wished we could just make it all go away, but that wasn't an option.
One thing that all of the people who survived the wild had in common was that it changed their outlook on life. They had all gone into the wild for various reasons, to experience adventure, to find themselves, to prove they could do it, etc. And I will say that the end result is the same for us too. Our journey has definitely changed our perspective. We have been through things we never knew we could handle. We have been helped along in so many ways by our "team". It has also changed the way we live our lives. Our lives are far from perfect, and we're okay with it. We've traded in our old dreams of a wonderfully ideal pregnancy for one that ends with a health baby that we get to bring home. Our perfect birth scenario for a baby that doesn't require life support. Our dreams of living together on this earth have been traded for the hope we have that we will be reunited again one day. Just because some of our dreams have been squashed doesn't mean we can't have new dreams. Some of the things we once thought were important don't seem quite as important anymore, and some of the things we thought were important have become even more important. Living in the wild certainly does change your perspective. I hope it's one that we can keep the rest of our lives.