Warning: Rambling Ahead :)
I get the comment often that people appreciate that I am "real". Over the last year+ I have learned a lot about myself and the kind of person that I want to be. I struggle between being "too real" and sounding like Debbie Downer, but I also don't want to give a picture of grief that isn't realistic. I don't think it's fair to others to pretend like everything gets better overnight. I would be doing a disservice to other grieving moms if I said everything was fine. One of the things that I like about this blog is that I feel like I can share freely what I'm going through. I hope that it brings some awareness and gives a little glimpse into what it's like to be a parent without our child.
And really, why can't we all just be real? Why do we have to pretend like our lives are completely perfect and that we have it all together? I don't know anyone whose life is perfect, although it may seem that way sometimes. If we need support and help, we should be able to say so without being judged. We all struggle and none of us are perfect parents or spouses. I have been hearing so much about "mommy wars" lately and it bothers me. I wish we could all just acknowledge our weaknesses (and strengths!), ask for support, and help each other out. Parenting is hard enough without having to worry about being judged or being put down for asking for help.
I just want Cohen to be Cohen. I don't want to have to answer why he isn't walking or why he is still taking 2 naps a day. It's so easy to jump to the idea that a parent must be doing something wrong if their child isn't how we think they should be. Once I became a parent, I realized I didn't know as much about parenting as I thought I did, in fact sometimes I feel like I know very little. We are all the perfect parents before we have kids. Sometimes we (myself included) are so quick to place judgment when we truly don't know anything about a situation. What if that kid screaming through the grocery store has a sensory disorder, or doesn't feel good, or mom has been sick for the last week and had to get out to the grocery store because the cupboards were empty even though it was close to nap time. Maybe think about giving a little extra grace, saving your glares, and just giving a smile. Maybe that's just what that parent needs, a little "I've been there" understanding. Can't we all just play nice in the sandbox and be real and supportive of each other?
Anyway, this has just been on my mind a lot lately and I fully include myself in all of the above, I am by no means perfect. End rant/ramble. Thoughts?