How Are We Doing?

We are almost 8 months out from the day our lives changed forever. How are we doing? We still get asked that sometimes. Even though it's a hard question to answer, and often the answers vary from day to day or hour to hour, we do appreciate it. Sometimes it feels like people get caught up in the shock and drama of a situation like ours, and then when things seem to settle down, they all move on. I don't expect people to be where we are, because it's not their lives. It's kind of like when the entire freeway slows down to stare at the accident on the side of the road and check out the wreckage and then once you are past it you quickly can forget it even happened. I'm not saying that people are only interested in our "wreckage", but that's the closest thing I can compare it to that makes sense I think. And it is difficult to still be the one still trapped in the wrecked car as everyone else gets to drive by and move on. Anyway, we truly do appreciate those who continue to check on us, call us, email us, visit us and pray for us. It really means a lot to us.  Day by day things are getting a little better.

That raw, heart torn in half, sob your brains out pain is slowly easing. It is far from gone, but I don't feel like I am standing in the middle of the world unable to move while everything around me continues to fly by. Some days I just feel numb and I think that is part of the self protectiveness that we have programmed into us. Not numb like I am in denial, just numb that I don't think I can possibly feel any more emotions and I just need a break. But, I feel like my heart is slowly being sewn back together one tiny stitch at a time.

Danny and I continue to grow in our relationship. Some days we are in completely different places in our journeys and some days we have similar thoughts. We are tired and worn out, but all we know is to keep going. We had a really great "date night" the other night. My parents took Cohen for the night. We had a gift card to a restaurant so we were able to go out mostly guilt free :)

I do still struggle with some anxiety and fear. I think that is something that may take awhile for me to overcome. I pray about it often. I still just get these feelings that I need to go check on Cohen, even if I just did it five minutes ago. I am afraid that the one time I don't go check on him will be the one time something is wrong. I am still afraid that something is going to happen to him. I want to be in control of things, even though I know I can't. Everything has been so out of my control and so not the way that I had planned. I still struggle with the "what next"? And then I beg God to let us rest because I just don't feel like I have the strength to face anything else. I am thankful that he knows what I need, even when I don't have a clue.

Cohen is doing well. All 14 lbs 8.5 oz of him (as of last week). We continue to be so thankful that he hasn't been sick even once since he came home from the hospital. He is a mover and a shaker for sure. He is constantly moving, even when I am feeding him his bottle he kicks his legs and moves his feet the entire time. I think his brain wants to do things like crawl or just get up and walk but his body isn't quite there yet. We are enjoying the time before he is mobile because I'm pretty sure this boy will not slow down! He will be 8 months old in a few days and we can't believe that in a few months we will be planning his FIRST BIRTHDAY! I know it will be a bittersweet time but we hope that we can have a day of celebration for our boys. So mark your calendars...just mark off the whole month of June for the birthday party!

So, that's how we're doing currently.