As I was writing yesterday's post, I was remembering the day that we brought Cohen home and how happy we were to finally have him home. It was bittersweet though, we should have been bringing twins home. The joy of bringing Cohen home was coupled with the pain of seeing only one crib in his room. The few sets of matching outfits we had time to get were still hanging in the closet, never to be worn. The second carseat shoved in the back of the closet until we were ready to deal with it (it's still there).
While we can't have him here in our earthly home, we know that he is at home in heaven. Sometimes it is easy for me to remember that he is happy, healed and whole in heaven, and sometimes it's not. I'm glad it's true whether I feel like it's true or not. I am happy for him that he is with God, never to feel any pain, but I hurt for me that I don't get to have him. Selfish, I know.
I often listen to this song on repeat and I cry every time. We just miss Carter so much. Some days my arms physically ache to be able to hold him again. I like the part that says "I will carry you, all your life...long beyond the empty cradle". I did carry him for almost every moment of his life on this earth, while I was pregnant and as he left this world. I will also carry him all of mylife. While I can't carry him physically, he is never far from my thoughts and he is always in my heart and I know that God is now carrying him for me.
I Will Carry You
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this? People say that I am brave but I'm not
Beautiful Jana:) I love this song too so much. When i was pregnant with Esther, I listened to it and cried.....all the time. I think it was healing for me to do that. You should post this on the Babyloss FB group page:) have a good day! Love~ Monica
I found your blog through the Tiny Tears Bereavement Diapers facebook page and really liked it. I especially loved this song. I lost my baby girl 6 weeks ago and have been searching for support groups and information. Could you tell me how I go about getting into the Babyloss Facebook group?
Beautiful Jana:) I love this song too so much. When i was pregnant with Esther, I listened to it and cried.....all the time. I think it was healing for me to do that. You should post this on the Babyloss FB group page:) have a good day! Love~ Monica
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through the Tiny Tears Bereavement Diapers facebook page and really liked it. I especially loved this song. I lost my baby girl 6 weeks ago and have been searching for support groups and information. Could you tell me how I go about getting into the Babyloss Facebook group?
ReplyDeleteHey Autumn -- email me at keepingupwiththekimmels@gmail.com and I can get you some more info!! I am sorry for your loss.
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