I Will Carry You

As I was writing yesterday's post, I was remembering the day that we brought Cohen home and how happy we were to finally have him home. It was bittersweet though, we should have been bringing twins home. The joy of bringing Cohen home was coupled with the pain of seeing only one crib in his room. The few sets of matching outfits we had time to get were still hanging in the closet, never to be worn. The second carseat shoved in the back of the closet until we were ready to deal with it (it's still there).


While we can't have him here in our earthly home, we know that he is at home in heaven. Sometimes it is easy for me to remember that he is happy, healed and whole in heaven, and sometimes it's not. I'm glad it's true whether I feel like it's true or not. I am happy for him that he is with God, never to feel any pain, but I hurt for me that I don't get to have him. Selfish, I know.

I often listen to this song on repeat and I cry every time. We just miss Carter so much. Some days my arms physically ache to be able to hold him again. I like the part that says "I will carry you, all your life...long beyond the empty cradle". I did carry him for almost every moment of his life on this earth, while I was pregnant and as he left this world. I will also carry him all of my life. While I can't carry him physically, he is never far from my thoughts and he is always in my heart and I know that God is now carrying him for me. 

I Will Carry You

There were photographs I wanted to take

Things I wanted to show you

Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes

Who could love you like this?  People say that I am brave but I'm not

Truth is I'm barely hanging on

But there's a greater story

Written long before me

Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you

While your heart beats here

Long beyond the empty cradle

Through the coming years

I will carry you

All my life

And I will praise the One who's chosen me

To carry you

Such a short time

Such a long road

All this madness

But I know

That the silence

Has brought me to His voice

And He says

I've shown her photographs of time beginning

Walked her through the parted seas

Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes

Who could love her like this?

I will carry you

While your heart beats here

Long beyond the empty cradle

Through the coming years

I will carry you

All your life

And I will praise the One who's chosen Me

To carry you