We are starting to get to all of the "One year ago todays..." and it's hard. We were so shocked and excited to find out we were having twins. We couldn't wait to tell our family and friends. I went out and bought a book to write all about my pregnancy and put our ultrasound pictures in. I was excited to be big and waddling around. I always hear about people who hate getting asked if they are pregnant, but I secretly enjoyed it. Now, that book is too painful for me to look at. The third trimester section is empty. The "Your Arrival" page, blank. Instead of being in a Moms of Multiples group, I am in baby loss groups and see a therapist. I'm on a roller coaster ride I don't want to be on and in a club I don't want to be a part of.
I have been having a really hard morning, so I decided to go read my "Jesus Calling" book because it always seems to find me right where I'm at...and sure enough this is what it said today (just in case you need to hear it today too!):
"Come to me for rest and refreshment. The journey has been to much for you, and you are bone-weary. Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as an opportunity for Me to take charge of your life.
Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different. Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting that this is where I intend you to be. You will get through today one step, one moment, at a time. Your main responsibility is to remain attentive to Me, letting Me guide you through the many choices along your pathway...."
Hmph. Okay, okay, thanks for the reminder God. I do need rest and refreshment. I am bone-weary. I do need to remember that even when life sucks, you can work things together for good. Thanks for meeting me where I am at and loving me no matter what.
If you need a good devotional book, or even if you already have one, this book always seems to say exactly what I need to hear and I've heard other people say the same thing too. My mom's best friend gave me this book when she went with me to one of my appointments and it lived with me in the hospital, at "the home" and now on my kitchen table.
Your post reminds me of this song. I hope it lifts your spirit - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8JsRxVczmQ.
ReplyDeleteSending prayers your way.
I can't begin to know what you are going through but I am glad you have supports to help you along your journey....
ReplyDeleteOh Jana that is soooo good. Good truth from God's word. Sometimes I think we feel like we have to be okay now, and carry on business as usual,but what you went through is soooo much, and you can give yourself permission to feel bone-weary. You are not operating in any sort of situation that is "normal". But God does know where you are and He wants to continue to guide you and LOVE you as you walk this journey. Thanks for the encouragement.:) Blessings to you friend! Monica
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this. Funny, I'm reading through the same devotional and have felt the same way- God has used it in so many ways to meet me right where I am. Thanks for your honesty. It's so refreshing. Praying for you Jana as you go through the grief process- I cannot imagine what you must be feeling.
ReplyDeletei read the same one as a friend knew i'd like it.. one day, one step, one moment at a time. he knows us and sees us and will guide us through!!
ReplyDelete-kelsie