We got to the cemetery and took Cohen out of his carseat and let him put his little feet on his brother's grave. We put his little hand next to his brother's even tinier hand print. It breaks my heart that he will never know his brother on this earth. It was bittersweet to have my boys together. I was sad that it had to be at a cemetery, but glad that at least they have a place to go to be together. I also had this wave wash over me that I was so glad that we weren't there looking at both of our boys' graves. I just felt so thankful that even in the agony of losing Carter, we still had the joy of having Cohen. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but there is a set of twins right next to Carter's grave. My heart has been so heavy for this family who lost both of their babies. I know how incredibly hard it has been for us losing one of our babies and I can't even imagine the pain of losing both. I think a lot of times the only thing that kept us moving was the fact that we still had Cohen and that we needed to keep fighting for him. We couldn't fall completely apart because we had to be strong for our baby who was in the fight of his life.
Cohen and Carter, we are glad we got to be together, we love you very much. Happy 5 months!
Your posts are so real and beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteSo I haven't been on here in forever as you can see. But my prayers have not ceased for you and your family. You were on my heart so much when you brought Cohen home. The victory of that along with all the challenges that must have brought too. I know it was probably a time where you had to relive all that you lost losing Carter. I prayed over your heart in that area a lot. And then just my brief time of 2 weeks having my girl hooked up to machines made me anxious to run solo at home. So I couldn't even wrap my mind around how you must have felt! I've just prayed for everything I can think of. I feel like I know you lol. I just watched the video you made of Cohen. I haven't cried like that for months! I had my whole family watch it so they could see this tiny boy we've been praying for become the miracle that he is and will always be! Thank you for teaching me, inspiring me, and helping me grow in Him. In the midst of your darkest days you shone His light in ways I don't think you even know or realize! I would love to actually meet you someday!
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