Hiking & The Beach

Last week Danny and I had our first non-weekend day off together for awhile. And since we've been enjoying some unusually warm and sunny fall weather, we decided to go hiking. I forgot my camera so these are all off my phone.

We decided to go hike the Oyster Dome. We had done it once in our younger days so we figured we could do it again. It proved to be a little more steep than I remember and I am quite out of shape. We had packed a lunch and planned to eat it at the top.

However, we got to the halfway point and decided to turn around and go back down. Danny told me I would be quite miserable the last mile and I think he was probably right. Cohen enjoyed a little power nap on the way down.

{View from the halfway point}

Since our hike didn't take quite as long as planned and it was such a nice fall day, we stopped by the beach to eat our lunch. It was a perfect day.

Day 7: What to Say

Day 7. What To Say We all talk about the bad things people say to us but we rarely focus on the good that people say to us. Share a tip for those who don’t have any idea on what to say. Write it down – photograph it.

Something that I struggled with for some time was the seemingly insensitive things that people would say. It took me awhile to realize that for the most part, they really, truly meant well....they just didn't know what to say. Since October is the month for raising awareness about pregnancy and infant loss, hopefully these posts have given a little insight into things that may be hurtful to someone who has lost their child (even if you never would have thought it could be hurtful) and maybe some things that would help. You don't have to have the magic words, because there are none. Just be available and even just crying with someone or saying "I'm sorry" goes a long ways. Thank you all for walking this journey with us!!

The Pumpkin Patch

We have been loving the sunshine around here and we decided to take advantage of it. Normally when we go to pick out pumpkins, the pumpkin patch is a giant mud pit because of all the rain. Not this year! It was sunny and dry and beautiful.

This was Cohen's first trip to the pumpkin patch as last year he was still in the NICU and I was threatening to dress Cohen up in a jailbird costume and take him trick or treating around the NICU. Thankfully, he got home just before Halloween so he got to get dressed up and stay home instead.

 He had just woken up for his nap so he was a little indifferent about what was going on, but he liked crawling around in the dirt and riding in the wagon. This was a local place that had just opened a brand new store to go with their apple orchards and now pumpkin patches. Unfortunately, they haven't gotten all the kinks worked out and we got charged for 100 pounds of pumpkin. Four receipts later we think we got it worked out, but I'm not completely convinced that it all got fixed. I'm going to give it a few days and see after the weekend.

 {Cohen's best find}

Day 6: What Not to Say

Day 6. What Not To Say Have you had something terrible said to you in the wake of your loss, write it on a piece of paper – photograph it – vent it.

I wrote a post awhile back about what not to say, which is here. But the challenge for this photo was to write it out to take a picture.

Day 5: Memorial

Day 5. Memorial This could be anything you have had done in memory of your baby/ies/child/ren. It could be their plaque at the cemetery or a tree that has been planted in their memory, anything at all.

One of the things I have done that I am most proud of is these diapers. I have more about the diapers saved up for another post so I won't go into too many details. Yesterday my mom posted this picture on facebook and it made me cry. They went to visit "Heaven's Gate" on their trip to Idaho and she took a little diaper with her to leave for Carter. I have been missing my boy so much over the last week. I have been trying to think of a reason why it got so hard again when I had been having mostly good weeks. I was trying to find a reason for my crying through Bible Study and Cohen's OT. The only conclusion I came to is that I think that living without my Carter is enough of a reason to feel sad and weepy. Man it's hard to live without him.

Thank you Mom, for leaving little tiny diapers at Heaven's Gate for Carter.

 And this is Carter's grave on his first birthday. The little handprints in the top corner are his. The little Peter Rabbit was our way of connecting him with Cohen. We read Peter Rabbit to Cohen all the time in the NICU so when we saw the image, we knew it was the way to bring him together with his twin.

My mom and I also got tattoos last December. Mine is of Carter and Cohen's footprints.

Day 4: Treasured Item

Day 4. Most Treasured Item Something that relates to your baby/ies/child/ren. Maybe it is their hand and foot prints or a photograph. Whatever it is we would love to see it.

I kind of consider all my things of Carter's as my most treasured items. There are so few and they are all so important to me.

If I had to pick one thing that was the most important, I would say it is this little box. It was given to me in the hospital, and it's not so much the box, it's what's inside. Also, see that sticker on the outside? It's the only ID sticker that says "Baby Boy B". We have pages and pages of documents with "Baby Boy A" on them from Cohen's NICU stay, but this is the only one we have of Carter's.

This little box has Carter's handprints, footprints, the tape measure they used to measure my little boy, the ID bracelets he never wore, the pictures the hospital took, the little hat and blanket that he wore, and a tiny gown that he wore.

Day 3: After Loss Self Portrait

Day 3. After Loss Self Portrait Share a photo of you after your loss. Same as yesterday if you would prefer to you can share a drawing/skecth or painting you have done!

It was hard for me to pick a picture for this. How much grief did I want to share? How much of my pain did I want to let others see? I settled for this one. This was taken about a week or so after the boys were born. I don't know who took it or why, but this is how I spent a lot of time those first few weeks when I wasn't with Cohen in the NICU. In my bed at "the home" (our hotel), hugging my empty arms bear, with my cell phone close by in case the NICU called.

I know there are a few others out there who are doing this project. I would love to see others pictures as well so feel free to let me know if you are doing the Capture Your Grief photo series. <3