We got to the library and Cohen played with toys until it was time for the singing and story time. I kept thinking how wonderful it was going to be for him to get out and be around other kids, and for me to get to be around other moms. And then the story started. The other kids sat nicely with their parents listening and participating. Meanwhile, Cohen was determined to destroy the tape recorder sitting on the table behind the lady with the book. When that didn't work he spotted a flag in the corner and proceeded to point and yell "Oh!" every 5 seconds. Unsure of the etiquette for story time and not wanting to get any dirty looks, I took him to the back where there was a few toys out and let him play thinking maybe he would get his play time in and then be ready to sit for a few minutes.
I have to admit, I was disheartened by the whole thing. I so badly wanted to be able to sit and enjoy a "normal" thing with Cohen and it just wasn't happening. The other parents made it look so easy and here I was struggling to stop my toddler from squirming away, opening doors, throwing toys, yelling, and not paying any attention to the story. I know my perceptions were probably a little off, but Cohen was literally the only baby of various ages not either sitting on a parent's lap listening or sitting on the floor in the circle listening.
As parents, we can find a lot of things to blame ourselves for, and this was one I chose to feel guilty about. Had I not had Cohen around other kids enough? Do I not make him behave well enough? Have I done him a disservice by keeping him out of activities with other babies?
I know not all of those children are perfect and well behaved all of the time and I know that some of Cohen's issues are sensory related, but it was hard. Having Cohen out and around other kids seemed to point out that he was different. And I had a hard time with that. I want to be able to take him out places without him being overstimulated or unable to participate in activities I know he would like. I don't want him to be seen as naughty or misbehaving. I feel guilty for not necessarily knowing how to help him in situations like that, or even at home.
We finally just left out the back door and played on our own in the kids section of the library for awhile. I drowned my sorrows in french fries on the way home as he sat happily contained in his car seat. I know Cohen's residual preemie problems are minor compared to some. I am reminded of that often when I read other blogs or stories and I definitely don't take it for granted. But every parent wants their child to be the best they can and to be able to help them get there. That day, I just felt so lost and like I just didn't know how to be a parent.
And then later that evening, I was reminded of this video. I watched it again and cried the whole way through. Cohen has come so far. Things could have turned out so differently. I am thankful for the good days and the frustrating days because they mean he is here with us.
Some kids just aren't cut out for story time. My boys are not good with it at all. It's frustrating. But then I take them to the park and let them just run instead.
ReplyDeleteI'm with what Merrilee said. My 5 year old step daughter has just never done well with story time. Maybe try the park, or maybe find an activity that is more active.
ReplyDeleteYes, he LOVES to be outside and we take him out whenever we can. It's hard around here because it rains 360 days of the year :) I was hoping story time could be a nice outing for rainy days...but maybe not so much!
DeleteI take Jack to a storytime called SPLASH (Speech Language Awareness Story Hour) that's run through one of our local therapy services. We've gone to 12-13 sessions so far and even though Jack is familiar with the routine and knows the songs and can answer questions, he does this all while running in circles around all the other kids/parents. It's a large open space and he can't help himself. Sometimes, he'll put his head to the floor and butt in the air and "wheelbarrow" himself around...can you say, rug burn?!?! I struggle with letting him be himself and wanting him to do what the other kids do. Luckily the teacher is a Speech Therapist and welcomes ALL kinds of kiddos, but I still often feel like I have "that kid." You know, the one who can't or won't sit still and doesn't do typical stuff. I do some "containment" at times, and he'll do better sitting then, but he does best when we get out the actual "chairs" to sit in (at a certain point). His PT gave us a "squishie" rubber seat to put on chairs for him to sit on, so that he gets some sensory input while sitting. It works at home, but I haven't taken it the story time yet. I struggle to with wondering if he doesn't act typically because of prematurity or because of our isolation for the last 2 years or for whatever other reason it may be. I have to admit, I always feel better when another kiddo climbs on top of the table or tries to escape. Every once in awhile, it isn't Jack :)
ReplyDeleteMaybe Cohen would do well with a little seat that contains him, instead of your lap? Jack just can't seem to stay in my lap :)
DeleteReading this reminded me so much of my own life 1 year ago. I don't have a premie so I can't fully understand Cohen's abilities at his age, but I do have a boy. A very active boy, who at 3 still has a very hard time sitting still. I too, wanted to be that mother I saw with a well-behaved child intently listening to the story and socializing with the other kids. Instead I had a rowdy, crazy child jumping all around, screaming and yelling out of pure joy, and trying to pull the fire extinguisher out of the wall. I called it a fluke and went back the next week, only to leave early, yet again, out of despair and embarrassment. After 4 failed attempts, I talked to a friend who simply said, "it's not for him." And it wasn't....then. But parks, walks, gymnastics, messy arts, making loud music and dancing were for him! And now, a year later, so is storytime. Hang in there. It might not be Cohen's sensory issues (or it might be....you know best) it might just be he's a boy who just simply has other interests at this point in his little life. Either way, french fries always make the day better!
ReplyDeleteI agree, I think maybe he just has lots of other stuff to do. Story time wasn't exciting enough for him :)
DeleteYou are a fabulous mama and this made me cry tears of joy and sadness for you...don't believe the lie...you were meant for Cohen and Cohen was meant for you...I pray for you often and think of you and Danny and Cohen and Carter all the time! Love the video, love the song, love it all...
ReplyDeleteAs easy as it is to think that Cohen isn't right for storytime, I'd argue that that storytime wasn't right for Cohen. Our library does an infant/toddler specific storytime where NO ONE is expected to sit down and quietly listen to a story. There is a toddler/preschool one where they begin to have those expectations, but for kids under 18 months/2 years, they expect them to act like toddlers, so the "storytime" is some songs with lots of movement, one short story, and then toys/bubbles for the rest of the time.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter (who is now 12) was a story time NIGHTMARE. Always. Yeah, it sure seemed like every other kid sat demurely with their parent, but not mine. It is disheartening and one feels like the worst parent ever, like you are advertising, "I've never read my child a book EVER so he/she is incapable of listening to a story, unlike your literary progeny." :)
ReplyDeleteWe went to the stay and play story time in Lynden the other day, and it seemed like there was no point at which every one was quiet. It was extremely crowded, but other than that, there were a TON of babies and toddlers who were very active and loud during the story part (and there was a long play part afterwards with activities for all ages that were well thought out). I'm not sure if that's the one you went to, but if not, you should give it another try!
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