Last Sunday was International Bereaved Mother's Day. I was asked to write something for a link up but never got around to it because we were so busy and sometimes it seems like there is a "day" for everything. I honestly didn't think much about the day. But now I get it. It almost doesn't seem fair for moms who have lost their babies to have to live through Mother's Day. We had plans to go to church this morning but I just wasn't sure I could do it. The thought of having to listen to all of the "Happy" Mother's Day wishes was almost too much to bear.
The day that is supposed to be joyous and reflecting of how wonderful being a mom is and how grateful children are for their own mothers. And yet here we are, with our arms aching to hold our little ones just one more time. To hear their voices, to give them kisses, and to rock them to sleep.
My boys have taught me the true depth of a mother's love. I never knew I could love so deeply until I lost that chance. Of course I love my Carter, but it's not the same. I love him with all my heart but there's nothing physical to match my emotions. He isn't here. I can't parent his pictures and the things he left behind, they aren't him.
So I will spend my day loving Cohen and being so incredibly grateful to have him here in my arms. But I will also be thinking of Carter, who I long to have here with me. My journey to motherhood has not been what I have expected, but I am thankful to my boys for making me a mom and for teaching me so many valuable lessons. While today will be a joyous and day of celebration for so many, it will also be a bittersweet day for many who are moms but don't get to have their babies here on earth. In your celebrations, please remember the moms of angels and keep them in your prayers.
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