Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The First Appointment

"Let's not turn this pregnancy into something it's not"

These were the words the OB told me at my first visit. My appointment was scheduled with a doctor that was new(er) to the practice and I hadn't seen during my last pregnancy. The office had already changed my appointment and I wanted it on a day Danny could come and we didn't want to push it back anymore. I decided to just go with it since I had heard good things about this doctor.

The doctor was nice enough, but I realized how important it is going to be for me to have doctors that I know support me and understand where I am coming from. As the doctor asked me if both of my boys were doing well, I realized maybe she didn't look as closely at my chart as she should have. Through tears, I gave her the very brief version of our story. I understand not knowing every detail of my 2 inch thick chart, but the fact that one of my babies died is kind of an important thing to know.

Then, when I asked what the plan for pregnancy would look like, I got the speech about not turning the pregnancy into something it's not. I didn't ask for daily appointments or my own personal ultrasound machine at home, I just wanted to know what to expect. Honestly, I don't even know how often normal people go to the doctor. I haven't had a normal pregnancy. All I know is what I've experienced. And I don't feel like that was understood or acknowledged. I felt like I was judged and dubbed that patient by someone who had just met me. I'm also probably just being a little sensitive, but this was much different than the "we will do what we need to to get you through this" that I have heard from my other doctors who had been with me through the boys' pregnancy.

I have no intentions of being completely overbearing during this pregnancy, but I am going to need reassurance and support. My only pregnancy was one of fear and unknowns and filled with appointments and tests. It felt like everything that could have gone wrong, did. I wish I could make all of the bad feelings and experiences from the last pregnancy go away and start over with a clean slate, but that is impossible. I am thankful that we have other doctors that I know I can go to and not be made to feel this way. This was a good reminder that we need those that are going to acknowledge and respect what we've been through.


  1. i know you don't know who I am, but I follow your blog and pray for you and I just want you to know you have every right to feel how you did during that appt! I am sorry things went that way. THat Dr should have known more of your history and it is completely normal and expected for you to have those kinds of questions and concerns so don't feel like you are being over sensitive or "that patient". Ask what you need to, never be afraid of being annoying. Pray that God will protect this baby (and I know you will) and you have lots of other people praying for you too! God Bless!
    Amy DeMeyer

  2. Wow. Kick that doctor to the curb. You need more support than that and someone who will give you the attention to detail that you need.

  3. I can't believe they didn't read the charts s little better than they. How insensitive! I think you should demand to only see the doctors you feel comfortable with. You deserve to make this pregnancy experience as positive and wonderful as possible.

    Side note- we had a nurse come in after Cade's g-tube surgery showing us a chart telling us how we needed to record everything he ate or drank. I told her that wouldn't be necessary since he doesn't eat. She continued to insist that whatever he does eat or drink needs to be recorded. I had to practically yell at her, "My son DOES NOT EAT; hence the surgery he just had to put a tube in his stomach!". They really should pay attention to the charts, especially in your case. I'm just appalled that happened to you. So sorry. Wishing you a long, joyful pregnancy.

  4. Most OBs just assume your over reacting but, I think its nice to be reassured, after all you went though. Seems a bit insensitive to me, and not knowing one of the most important details is not a good sign. I can understand not reading the whole file, but, I mean, looking over it would have been nice atleast.

    My OB wouldn't take my concerns seriously. My swelling was horrid, looking back at pictures, how did they not know? I had to argue with my OBs office when I knew something wasn't right, they didn't even want to see me! when they finally gave me an appointment, my blood pressure was extremely high. Then, they were worried. When I had told them all along "I've been reading about preeclampsia and, my blood pressure is high at home, could we please look into this? Oh by the way, I wasn't able to wear shoes today, my feet are to swollen." I'd switch doctors, to one that maybe would understand better, or read the chart atleast.

  5. I am the SAME way with docs (for Levi). Don't go to them again and ease your mind. You are not crazy and need that person that can be there for you medically through this! Praying for you!!

  6. I have been following your blog and found this post close to home. So, I offer words of encouragement. During my first pregnancy, I went into preterm labor and was 4 cm dilated at 27 weeks. I was on bed rest in the hospital for 4 weeks on all kinds of medications before they could not hold off the birth of my son at 31 weeks 1 day. He was 3 lbs 7 oz. He stayed in the NICU for 4 weeks. After going through a scary experience, it was particulary hard for me to be optimistic on having another baby. But, I just gave birth 4 months ago to a healthy 37 week baby boy. My Dr supported me every step of the way. She was always open for me to ask questions, come in when I had any issues and prepare me for a risk pregnancy. I had early bleeding from the start which turned out to be a tail end of placenta breaking off, but she reassured me every week with ultrasound, etc that he was ok. I started progesterone shots at 16 weeks to prevent contractions. At 27 weeks, she started to see me every week as she wanted to follow the pregnancy closely to ease my mind and make sure everything was 100%. I can't tell you enough how much this meant to me. She even stayed after her regular hours the day I came in to have the baby for 6 hours just to be the one to deliver the baby.
    I encourage you to find that Dr that will do this for you. They are out there. And, you deserve it! Your health and that of the baby are the most important thing in your life. This should be a priority for your Dr. I sincerely hope that you have a better experience this time around like I did. All the best! I look forward to more blog posts.

  7. I have been following your story and its very similiar to mine. I went into labor at 25 weeks with my twins for no apparent reason,(which is frustrating in itself) I lost my son at 48 hours due to severe BPD. My baby girl is now 1 year, 4 months, 9 days old and i'm pregnant via IVF again. I met with my fetal medicine Dr. prior to attempting a pregnancy and was reassured that he would do anything possible to get me to full term and he is confident that I will. I think that going into this situation after the loss that we have felt, being reassured constantly and being totally comfortable every step is crucial. We have lived in fear before and should be able to enjoy these pregnancies without that fear.

    I wish you all the luck, sanity and health in the world and keep you and your baby in my prayers and hope for a full term healthy playmate for your sweet little boy.

    1. I'm very sorry for the loss of your son, raising a single twin is quite the unique experience. Thank you for your kind words and we will be praying for a long, boring pregnancy for you too!

  8. Speaking as a mom that had a premature baby, your fears are very valid. You'll NEVER forget that experience. It's not unreasonable to be reassured matter fact that should be a must considering everything you went through. I want to say that this pregnancy will be uneventful and I'm 99% sure of that. However, there's that little voice in our head that says what if. I never got to feel my baby kick, next thing I knew, I was looking at her through an incubator. Don't listen to those voices. Try to take a moment and enjoy every little detail about your pregnancy. Pause to enjoy all the firsts. This really is a joyful experience. Find a doctor that is sensitive to your needs. Thats a must to help you through these next 9 months. Women are generally sensitive during pregnancy but your not just any pregnant woman. Your a pregnant mom that will always grieve and your doctor needs to be sensitive to that. You deserve that delicacy. I pray your pregnancy goes happily and completely.