"Let's not turn this pregnancy into something it's not"
These were the words the OB told me at my first visit. My appointment was scheduled with a doctor that was new(er) to the practice and I hadn't seen during my last pregnancy. The office had already changed my appointment and I wanted it on a day Danny could come and we didn't want to push it back anymore. I decided to just go with it since I had heard good things about this doctor.
The doctor was nice enough, but I realized how important it is going to be for me to have doctors that I know support me and understand where I am coming from. As the doctor asked me if both of my boys were doing well, I realized maybe she didn't look as closely at my chart as she should have. Through tears, I gave her the very brief version of our story. I understand not knowing every detail of my 2 inch thick chart, but the fact that one of my babies died is kind of an important thing to know.
Then, when I asked what the plan for pregnancy would look like, I got the speech about not turning the pregnancy into something it's not. I didn't ask for daily appointments or my own personal ultrasound machine at home, I just wanted to know what to expect. Honestly, I don't even know how often normal people go to the doctor. I haven't had a normal pregnancy. All I know is what I've experienced. And I don't feel like that was understood or acknowledged. I felt like I was judged and dubbed that patient by someone who had just met me. I'm also probably just being a little sensitive, but this was much different than the "we will do what we need to to get you through this" that I have heard from my other doctors who had been with me through the boys' pregnancy.
I have no intentions of being completely overbearing during this pregnancy, but I am going to need reassurance and support. My only pregnancy was one of fear and unknowns and filled with appointments and tests. It felt like everything that could have gone wrong, did. I wish I could make all of the bad feelings and experiences from the last pregnancy go away and start over with a clean slate, but that is impossible. I am thankful that we have other doctors that I know I can go to and not be made to feel this way. This was a good reminder that we need those that are going to acknowledge and respect what we've been through.