Although this is my second pregnancy, in some ways, it feels like my first. My first pregnancy was unusual from the start, with it being a twin pregnancy and all. I'm sure there were things that happened during it that were normal, but I don't remember them. And the twins were my first pregnancy so I dont have anything to compare to other than that. In a way, I feel clueless. Like I don't know what is normal for a pregnancy. I was so used to being not normal that I'm not sure how to be a semi-normal pregnant person.
I'm trying to embrace this pregnancy as much as I can. I'm trying to let myself enjoy the little things. Although, sometimes I see things like a pregnancy journal that says "Your guide to a happy, healthy pregnancy" and I scoff. As if having the secrets to the perfect pregnancy were in a book. I've already learned that those kind of books and I don't get along. My pregnancy didn't come out of any sort of book, except maybe a textbook about all the kinds of things that could go wrong.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to my old naive self, before I knew so much about...life. But, if I traded our experiences in, I wouldn't have had my boys and I wouldn't trade them for anything. These experiences will go with me and they will affect the way I feel and think. I know it's going to be a balance between what is our reality and also allowing ourselves to hope again.
When we moved into our new house, I was cleaning out a box. Our family had packed all our stuff when I was on hospital bed rest. I was surprised to find my What to Expect When You're Expecting Book and What to Expect the Toddler Years. I quickly threw them into the donate pile. I am sure that no where in the first book was it written to expect to go into labor at 24 weeks, and I'm sure nothing in the toddler book would be on the same timeline for development/ weight/ height/ etc that my kids are on. I also found pregnancy scrapbook stickers that I was not able to use. It was very weird!
ReplyDeleteI continue to pray for you to have the most "normal" pregnancy experience as possible.
No book can ever write what we've been through. There simply isn't any words...I hope that you have the most normal, boring pregnancy ever!
ReplyDeleteI said through this entire pregnancy that it was like being pregnant for the first time. I also told one of my nurses today that I felt like I was delivering for the first time again bc everything about the situation was so different. Praying that you'll be able to have a smooth & enjoyable pregnancy this time!
ReplyDelete