Although this is my second pregnancy, in some ways, it feels like my first. My first pregnancy was unusual from the start, with it being a twin pregnancy and all. I'm sure there were things that happened during it that were normal, but I don't remember them. And the twins were my first pregnancy so I dont have anything to compare to other than that. In a way, I feel clueless. Like I don't know what is normal for a pregnancy. I was so used to being not normal that I'm not sure how to be a semi-normal pregnant person.
I'm trying to embrace this pregnancy as much as I can. I'm trying to let myself enjoy the little things. Although, sometimes I see things like a pregnancy journal that says "Your guide to a happy, healthy pregnancy" and I scoff. As if having the secrets to the perfect pregnancy were in a book. I've already learned that those kind of books and I don't get along. My pregnancy didn't come out of any sort of book, except maybe a textbook about all the kinds of things that could go wrong.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to my old naive self, before I knew so much about...life. But, if I traded our experiences in, I wouldn't have had my boys and I wouldn't trade them for anything. These experiences will go with me and they will affect the way I feel and think. I know it's going to be a balance between what is our reality and also allowing ourselves to hope again.