1.5 weeks down as a full time working mom. A few more weeks to go. It's been hard, really hard. I certainly respect those moms that work full time. I know this is just a season of our lives, but it is a challenge. The days feel like a blur of wake up get ready get babies ready fly out the door drop babies off hope to get to work on time. Work. Leave work pick up babies get dinner ready eat dinner play with babies get ready for bed bedtime pack bags pack lunches maybe clean house fall in bed. Sleep. Repeat.
I miss my boys. The snuggles and play time are sweeter, but there isn't enough of it. My heart aches a little when Ezra clings onto me when I try and lay him down for bed. I wonder if we've made the right choice. When Cohen gets rushed to bed because we are tired and have things to do to get ready to do it all again the next day, I wonder if it's all really worth it.
I know God has put us at this place in our lives for a reason. I try and remind myself that it's not forever. I don't mind working, but I don't like the feeling of not having enough time for my kids. I just miss their grimy hands dirtying up my clothes, their constant requests for food, and their warm snuggly squirmy little bodies giving hugs and kisses throughout the day.
There has been more than one occasion in this week alone that I have gone in to watch them sleep. Or gotten them back out of bed when they are crying for their mom and dad. Kept them up a little past their bedtime just for a few more snuggles. Maybe even taken a pair of their pajamas with me to bed.
Being home with the boys is comfortable and enjoyable. Being away from them, at a new job, in a vulnerable place as "the new person" is not always comfortable or enjoyable. But, I mean being stretched in new ways that will be good for me. I'm learning new skills and re-learning old skills that will be good for my career. I'm doing something for me.
It's a challenging season of our lives. The good thing is, it's only a season. We've faced challenges before though, right? These boys though, they will always have my heart no matter where I am. It's also possible that I may have already forced my new coworkers to look at pictures of them. I can't help it!