Thursday, February 19, 2015

An Opportunity to Share

I was asked to share a little of our story at church for our Bible study. I said yes and then wondered what had I gotten myself into. What do I have to say? How much should I share? What if I can't actually talk and I just cry the whole time and get snot everywhere?

It got me thinking about all those months we spent in the hospital with Cohen. About our broken dreams and hearts. About the day we buried our Carter and the days we watched Cohen struggle continuously. Those days were hands down the hardest days of my life. They were the days when I wrestled with God, his plans and his will. I questioned why a good God would allow all of this to happen.

But, when I look back on those days, even amidst the struggles and the doubts, those are the days that I felt God's presence so greatly. Even in the darkest days, there was light. Sure I yelled, screamed, kicked my feet and was very angry. But my actions and my situation didn't change who God was. He was my constant as the world crashed down on me. God showed himself to me again and again through circumstances, friends, and strangers. He reminded me that in the midst of tragedy, pain and sorrow, he is still faithful and good.

Our experiences have brought us to a lot of places we never would have imagined and given us opportunities that we wouldn't have had otherwise. Losing a child and walking the road of grief and heartache are incredibly difficult and no one should have to do it alone. We have had many opportunities to share our story, walk alongside, and hopefully soften the road a little for those walking similar journeys.

Although it has been 4 years, it's still a struggle to understand it all. There are still days where the pain feels so fresh and present. We have always been open with our story and our hope is that God can use it for his glory. That there can be beauty out of the ashes and even in tragedy, there is still hope. The hope of heaven and that someday everything will be made perfect and right.

These are some verses and songs that have been rolling around in my head that say it better than I can!

Isaiah 61:3 
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor    and the day of vengeance of our God,to comfort all who mourn,    and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise    instead of a spirit of despair.They will be called oaks of righteousness,    a planting of the Lord    for the display of his splendor.

Tenth Avenue North - Worn
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn

David Crowder  - Come As You Are
Come out of sadness
From wherever you’ve been
Come broken hearted
Let rescue begin
Come find your mercy
Oh sinner come kneel
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t heal
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can’t heal

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