Now, it's the ache. The ache that comes at night, in the quiet or sometimes during the day when I see my boys playing. The hurt that comes when people don't want to hear our story because we are in fact living out their worst nightmare. I don't want to hurt. I don't want to have this story. I want Carter. I want to be naive.
Having a child you can only dream about is hard. Really hard and it hurts in big ways. If you're tired of hearing about how much it hurts, I'm tired of feeling how much it hurts. I know why it is so painful, but that doesn't make it any easier. I can't change what happened, I can only hope that I can see the good that will come out of this. And to try and remind myself that someday, I will get to heaven and there will be no more tears or suffering.
"There Will Be A Day" by Jeremy Camp