Well, may is here. I know it should be happy with my Mom's birthday, Mother's Day, and my birthday...but I know it's going to be hard. If you don't mind sending a few extra prayers up for us we would greatly appreciate it.
I would just like to say that something kinda cool happened the other night. I was out with a group of people that I don't know well, but am getting to know. She mentioned she had read some of the blog and asked how I was doing with everything. And I have to say I just appreciated it so much.
There are times when I see people that I may not want to talk about it, but it's always kind of that elephant in the room. Part of it is the "living in a fishbowl" as I've heard another mom call it. For some reason, you feel like everyone is watching you, or that everyone knows, even if they don't have a clue. For me it's an awkward guessing game of do they know? Did they hear about it and they just aren't saying anything? Or do they really not know? Or there are times when someone will tell me that so and so asked about me, so then I know that they know. But, do they know that I know that they know? See what I mean?
And to me, that is more awkward than someone just acknowledging it. It doesn't mean we will get into a lengthy conversation about it, it doesn't mean I will start crying (although either of those things may happen), but to have someone just put it out there so we can move past it is so great. I know it's hard for people to bring up, especially if we haven't seen each other in awhile or something. The truth is, both of my boys are never far from my thoughts, so if you don't want to bring it up for fear of "reminding me", chances are I'm thinking about it anyway. Especially these days. We know people do the best they can and we appreciate that. Thank you for caring about our family.
Don't forget to see how far Cohen has come and guess how much he is weighing these days.
Prayers for you sweet mama...I will be praying for God's peace to be like a blanket for you and your family. I completely understand the feelings you have, I HATE them! May peace and strength be yours this month and always!
ReplyDeleteNicki
I just wrote a post about the same thing! I do not know why people will not bring up our babies??? It hurts me so much sometimes. That is why I am really thankful for my computer friends that know how I feel and will not mind if I talk about him :) I so know the fish bowl feeling.... One, my husband is a pastor two, having a baby die, it feels like everyone is watching and waiting...what will I do or say, sometimes I want to say BOO, just to freak them out LOL :) I will be saying lots of prayers for you this month I think May is hard on a lot of BLM. (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteDefinitely praying for you! Everyday!
ReplyDeleteKnow that I am praying!
ReplyDeleteHi, I found you through Tesha's link up. I lost a twin as well (my son, Parker). I know what you mean when you say you feel like it is the elephant in the room. That is exactly what I said when we came home from the hospital. I wish people felt as comfortable talking about him as we do. We love to hear his name and know that people remember him. Thinking of you this month.
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