Go Cougs!

In honor of the Huskies game tomorrow, the nurses who went to WSU decided to support their team instead. I told Cohen's nurse that his Gramma and Grampa were Cougars so she made him a special onesie so he could join in too. He wasn't content with just wearing a WSU onesie so we also made him a set of pom-poms so he could cheer on his team. Danny isn't convinced Cohen will be a Cougar fan. He might feel a little loyalty to UW since he has spent the first three months of his life there, but I guess we will let him decide who his team is.

{Go team!}

In other news, Cohen has still been breathing really fast, like up to 100 times a minute. While he has always had a respiratory rate on the higher side, this is high even for him. He had a chest xray this morning and a dose of lasix in hopes of getting rid of some extra fluid if that is what is causing his fast breathing. His chest xray showed that his lungs were "wet", that they had some extra fluid in them, and he also had a blood gas that showed his CO2 was a little higher then it has been. He uses a lot of energy when he is breathing this fast (try breathing 100 times a minute, it's fast!) so we really, really don't want him to poop out and have to go back on high flow nasal cannula. Cohen is currently getting 50 mL of his milk over 1 hour. We don't want him to have to go backwards and have to have the rate slowed down either. He could also get his breastfeeding taken away and I don't want that to happen because he is doing pretty well and he definitely wants it. He roots around and sucks like crazy on his binky. So please pray that the Drs will know what to do to keep him progressing. Also pray that Cohen doesn't get too tired and that he gets to keep practicing his breastfeeding.

We had planned on going to our friends' cabin for a night this weekend however, our car started making a funny noise. We are going to try and take it in somewhere tomorrow morning to see what is wrong. Ugh. Please say a little prayer that it is nothing major and that it can be fixed quickly. Our other car already needs a new set of tires so we are hoping it is just something small with mine. Thanks for keeping us in your prayers!

38 Weeks

I hope that last post didn't seem ungrateful. I am so incredibly thankful for all the prayers, encouragement and support we have received. This has been a very difficult time in our lives and so many of you have helped to carry our burdens in so many ways. We really do appreciate everything that everyone has done for us.

Cohen hit 5 lbs 7 oz and 17 inches long yesterday! I typed that and then I erased it because I didn't believe that he could be that big. But he really is. Amazing. Cohen had a few more visitors yesterday, Auntie Jen and Ashlee stopped by to say hi on their way to the zoo. Cohen wanted to go along, but he decided to take a nap instead. Maybe next time?

 {Dad getting Cohen dressed}

He is the same on his oxygen and is now down to getting his full feed over an hour. He seems to be doing okay but has been breathing kind of fast for the last day or so. Please pray that he continues to handle his feeds well and that it doesn't take too much of his energy. Pray that he continues to progress and not go backwards so that he can continue with his breastfeeding. This is one of his last goals before he goes home is that he has to be able to tolerate his full feeding and then be able to take all of his feedings either by breast or bottle, which can take preemies awhile to master. He also had his caffeine stopped a few days ago so we will see how he does with that as well. Otherwise he's just been hanging out in his crib, smiling at mom and dad.

He had a neurodevelopmental exam yesterday and he passed. He is doing the things he should be at his gestational age. One of his tests was that the therapist held Cohen and then had Danny and I stand on each side of her. She had each of us talk to him, one at a time and slowly but surely he turned his head toward whoever was talking to him. We are encouraged that he is on track for where he should be. Danny got Cohen dressed for the first time and Cohen cooperated very well!

The World Moves On

The little baby that I mentioned before died last night. I came in this morning and her spot was empty. Just like that. She was just too early. My heart breaks for her parents. When I was in nursing school, we did a short clinical rotation through the NICU. I always thought I could never work in a NICU because of the teeny, tiny babies like that one. I thought that I knew what I would want if I was in that situation and I didn't know if I would be able to take care of babies that I didn't know what was "right" ethically. But now, having been through what we have, I don't know how I could ever make the decision to not "do everything" for my baby. I think I would know deep in my heart that I wouldn't want my baby to suffer, but I just don't think I could make the decision whether we tried to prolong my baby's life or let it go. It's certainly not a black and white area. Before we had the boys, we had to talk several times to the neonatologists about what we wanted done if the boys were born at 23 weeks. It was just awful. These are decisions that I don't feel like any parent should ever have to make. In a way, I am glad that we didn't have to make the decision for Carter, because I think it would have broken my heart even more.  We are really thankful that our boys didn't come until 25 weeks. It doesn't seem like 2 weeks would make that much of a difference, but in a baby so early, it can really make a huge difference. Please keep this baby girl's family in your prayers.

I was recently talking to someone about how things were going when I went home. They asked if it was weird to be home and in my "normal" environment. And it always is a little weird, although it is getting easier. I think one of the things that hits me the most is sometimes I feel like I am just watching the world move around me. While my world seems to have stopped, the rest of the world keeps moving. The flowers, cards, and phone calls start to stop. But our grieving doesn't. It feels like people start to forget, but to us it feels like it is just beginning. The double outfits still hang in the closet and we are looking at proofs for Carter's headstone. As I hold Cohen, I can't help but think about what it would have been like to hold both of my boys together. To us, the world still seems like it should be on pause. Like we shouldn't have to jump back in, but that we should get to take a break and come back when we are ready.

Our Nurses Rock!

One of Cohen's favorite nurses takes really good pictures of the babies. We always love to see what little surprises she has left for us on our picture CD. She also offers to snuggle with Cohen while we are gone :) We are so, so thankful for the wonderful NICU nurses and all they do for our boy. They have been with him since day 1 when we didn't even know if he would live. They have cared for him, talked to him, loved on him. They learned all his little quirks and they know that he can be a little particular sometimes. They know him well because they are there with him all the time. They fight for him when they know he needs or doesn't need something. They have also taken good care of me too!  It's nice to know that even when we aren't there we know Cohen is very well taken care of and it makes being away a little easier. And we know he will get lots of pictures taken so that his Mom doesn't miss anything! We appreciate them so much. (All of these pictures were taken by our nurse.)

 {Snuggling with his nurse (who takes the fancy pictures) while Mom & Dad were gone for a few days}

{YES THEY DO!!!!}

Pictures Galore

Ok, it's been a few days since I've put up pictures so there is going to be a lot. We have had lots of changes going on. Cohen is now getting his 3 hours of food over an hour and a half. They will watch him closely to see if he is tolerating the feeds okay, if he looks like he is working too hard with his breathing or requiring more oxygen they may slow his feeds down a little or keep them where they are so he can adjust. He is settling in nicely to his big boy bed. He has outgrown some of his preemie clothes. We never thought we would see that day, but we are so glad it has come!

{Big boy crib!}

 He is still on his 1L of oxygen but his Drs have decided to keep his O2 sats (the amount of oxygen in his blood) up a little higher. When he was younger, they wanted him to be around 88-95%, but not much higher because the higher oxygen saturations could cause his eyes (ROP) to get worse. Now that he is older (almost 38 weeks gestation!) it has been shown that the higher amounts of oxygen don't cause the ROP to worsen so they have increased the concentration of oxygen he is getting to about 50% (the air we breathe is about 21%) to keep his O2 sats between 95-100%. Since his heart is working harder because of his lungs, the higher oxygen will also be beneficial to his heart and hopefully it won't enlarge any more. Confused? Yeah, me too. Basically, he is getting a higher concentration of oxygen but is keeping the lower "flow" of oxygen.

{Snuggling after bathtime}

Cohen also got another bath today and I did most of it by myself! Then we had some good snuggle time and he took a little nap. When he woke up for his diaper change he got to practice nursing and he did pretty well but did have one quick ABC (where he drops his heart rate and O2 sats). I think he was tired from so much activity today.

 {Grandma's first time holding Cohen}

{Talking to Grandpa Guy}

12 Weeks Old

Cohen had a few busy days. Karen and Josh came down for a wedding in Seattle and stayed with us at "the home" and then in the morning we went in to see Cohen. He got to get in a good snuggle with his Auntie. Then, Saturday afternoon some friends, Jeremy and Allie, were visiting from out of town so they stopped by to meet Cohen and we got to meet their son for the first time. Then our other friends stopped by Saturday night! Danny's parents haven't seen Cohen in awhile so they stopped by this morning to see him as well and got to hold him for the first time. He has quite the fan club, I think we wore him out because he was really sleepy most of the day.

Cohen is 12 weeks old today and weighs 5 lbs 1 oz today! He continues to get his bolus feedings and got to practice some breastfeeding today. He has officially been moved into a big boy crib and wore his first newborn size onesie today! It is crazy to think that next week our baby boy will be 3 months old!! I am at home for the night and my laptop died so I am using Danny's computer. Pictures are on hold until tomorrow.

Time Away

Well, I can say that my time away from the NICU was indeed what I needed. We spent a few days away, calling in the morning and before bed to check on Cohen. We have received pictures from his nurses and know that they took very good care of our boy.

Mom and I drove home on Tuesday, stopping for a little additional retail therapy and a sugar fix at Krispy Kreme. Karen is having a "Due Date Party" for us in September so we also stopped to update the baby registry. I just didn't have the heart to take off the "twin" stuff so it is staying there. Danny and I had a "fruit and vegetable" dinner. We went to the Green Barn and picked out some stuff to eat. We are both getting sick of eating out and I have really been missing my fruits and veggies.

{MMMmmm}

Wednesday I had a massage and it was so wonderful. I came home and lounged around, did some laundry, paid some bills, did a little cleaning, picture organizing, and some scrapbooking. I asked Danny what he wanted for dinner and he wanted to barbecue some ribs. Turns out they were buy one get one free at the store so we had quite a few ribs and not enough people to eat them. So, I did what any girl who lives within 5 minutes of most of her family does...called them all to come over and eat with us! We had a good time barbecuing and hanging out in the nice weather. The nieces and nephews had fun playing on the big dirt hill behind our house.

 {Master of the BBQ}

Thursday morning I got my hair cut. It was Danny's day off and it was SO nice out we decided to go up to Mt Baker and take a little hike. We went up to the Bagley Lakes Trail, where we went last year around this time. The majority of the trail was still covered in snow so we did our best, tromping through the mud and slushy snow, hoping we didn't slide into the lake. We drove past the lake that freezes over and becomes a sledding hill in the winter. This was where Danny made his first move on me! We had gone sledding with a group of friends and I was sitting at the top of the hill in my sled and he came and set next to me and leaned on me. The rest is history. We also did a few chores, taking Danny's car in to the shop for a check up only to find out he needs new tires. Boo (must have been those 12,000 miles) .

Overall, my time away was very restful and much needed. Cohen did wonderfully while we were gone! I feel like we are ready for the last stretch here. We just need to get Cohen to his happy place on his oxygen and get that boy eating! He got to practice breastfeeding tonight and he did really well. He looks like such a big boy in his bed. They also started him on bolus feedings today. Instead of constantly getting food, he is now getting 3 hours worth of food over 2 hours and then they will slowly increase how much he gets over a shorter amount of time. Although it will probably be awhile yet, we can't wait to have him home with us.

 
Please say a little prayer for the family of the 23 week baby. The baby isn't doing well and isn't expected to make it through the night. On our way out, one of the respiratory therapists said "Aren't you glad you don't have the sick baby anymore?" And yes, of course we are! We are so, so glad that Cohen has come so far. But, I don't like that anyone has to have "the really sick baby". There was a  time when we weren't sure if Cohen was going to make it. I texted my NICU friend as I was leaving the hospital and she said that it was an amazing feeling when you finally realize that your baby is going to live. I feel like tonight was the first time that I have felt really good about Cohen. It's hard to not have that lingering doubt in the back of your mind, the fear that you could lose your baby. I think we are really starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know we still have a few things to get through, but we are so thankful for how far God has brought our little miracle boy.