March of Dimes - March for Babies

Every day, thousands of babies are born too soon, too small and often very sick. I'm walking because I want to do something about this. And I need your help.

Please support my walk. Making a secure donation is easy: just click the 'donate now' button on this page. Or let us know if you want to join our team. Thank you for helping me give all babies a healthy start!

This is something close to our hearts as Cohen and Carter were born at at 25 weeks, 15 weeks premature. Carter is our little angel in heaven and Cohen spent 4 months in the NICU. We are SO thankful for all our nurses and doctors who helped him get to where he is today!

The mission of March of Dimes is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality.

The March of Dimes - March for Babies is Saturday, May 5 in Seattle. Let us know if you want to walk with us! This is my mom's birthday and also Cohen's 11 month birthday, so it will be a good way to celebrate. 

Just in Case...

We are starting to get to all of the "One year ago todays..." and it's hard. We were so shocked and excited to find out we were having twins. We couldn't wait to tell our family and friends. I went out and bought a book to write all about my pregnancy and put our ultrasound pictures in. I was excited to be big and waddling around. I always hear about people who hate getting asked if they are pregnant, but I secretly enjoyed it.  Now, that book is too painful for me to look at. The third trimester section is empty. The "Your Arrival" page, blank. Instead of being in a Moms of Multiples group, I am in baby loss groups and see a therapist. I'm on a roller coaster ride I don't want to be on and in a club I don't want to be a part of.

I have been having a really hard morning, so I decided to go read my "Jesus Calling" book because it always seems to find me right where I'm at...and sure enough this is what it said today (just in case you need to hear it today too!):

"Come to me for rest and refreshment. The journey has been to much for you, and you are bone-weary. Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as an opportunity for Me to take charge of your life.

Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different. Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting that this is where I intend you to be. You will get through today one step, one moment, at a time. Your main responsibility is to remain attentive to Me, letting Me guide you through the many choices along your pathway...."

Hmph. Okay, okay, thanks for the reminder God. I do need rest and refreshment. I am bone-weary. I do need to remember that even when life sucks, you can work things together for good. Thanks for meeting me where I am at and loving me no matter what.

If you need a good devotional book, or even if you already have one, this book always seems to say exactly what I need to hear and I've heard other people say the same thing too. My mom's best friend gave me this book when she went with me to one of my appointments and it lived with me in the hospital, at "the home" and now on my kitchen table.

8 Months

Cohen's 8 Month Birthday was yesterday (almost 5 Months adjusted)...

- Cohen weighed 14 lbs 8 oz this morning at his appointment to get his Synagis (RSV) shot. Only 2 more months and then we will be free! Well, sort of. I also think he has grown longer because all of a sudden his feet reach the ground in his walker. 

- He rolls over both ways

- He has added a number of foods to his collection: peaches, applesauce, squash, carrots, peas, green beans, and sometimes a little taste of whatever mom & dad are eating

- Still wearing his oxygen, but we go in to see his pulmonologist this week so maybe that will change!?

- His favorite toy is his blue ball & his giraffe that he sleeps with

- He is really starting to use his voice, he will look at himself in the mirror and "talk" for quite awhile

- He is starting to realize that not everyone is mommy and he has cried at a few people (sorry!)

- Cohen has almost been home for more days than he was in the hospital, but not quite

Cohen spent his day with a trip to visit Carter and take him a little car we had gotten him for Christmas but kept forgetting to take with us. We went home for a rest and then took a little walk over to my brother Joel's house to say hi before the party got started. We visited for a few minutes and then walked home. Gramma came over to watch Cohen so Danny and I could both go to the party. I made it through the first quarter and then went home. Have I mentioned I hate watching football? I only go to Superbowl parties for the food.

 {Cohen comes from a family of Cougs, but he has to sport a little Huskies gear once in awhile too since he spent so much of his life there and you know, they saved his life :) }

Fun Onesies

Ok, how cute are these!? I think Cohen might need one, although it's not in my under $5 budget...maybe I could figure out how to make one. Or maybe for his birthday.

{I might need this first one in a matching size for me, or maybe I could get a pair of scrubs with this printed on it. If I had $1 for every time a patient asked me how old I was, or if I was old enough to be working as a nurse, I would be rich!}

 {O2...It's not just for old people}

Fess Up Friday

* Last night I went to bed at 7 pm...it was awesome

* Danny makes better cookies than me. He really does

* Cohen peed through all of his clothes and has been naked since

* I feed Cohen baby food every day even though his pediatrician said only every other day

* I generally go to bed later than Danny and I always put my cold feet on him when I get in bed because he is always so warm...he doesn't usually wake up but the other night I accidentally woke him up and he told me he thought I had been out in the garage in bare feet...but nope, my feet are just really that cold :)

* Cohen's first birthday is still 4 months away but I am already planning it on pinterest. It gives me something to look forward to!

* It's been sunny here (but cold) and we have been loving getting out for our stroller walks. We can't WAIT for spring

Happy Friday!!

{Oh hey, just drinking my bottle naked}

 {I LOVE BEING NAKED!}

{Finally dressed and ready for a walk}

How Are We Doing?

We are almost 8 months out from the day our lives changed forever. How are we doing? We still get asked that sometimes. Even though it's a hard question to answer, and often the answers vary from day to day or hour to hour, we do appreciate it. Sometimes it feels like people get caught up in the shock and drama of a situation like ours, and then when things seem to settle down, they all move on. I don't expect people to be where we are, because it's not their lives. It's kind of like when the entire freeway slows down to stare at the accident on the side of the road and check out the wreckage and then once you are past it you quickly can forget it even happened. I'm not saying that people are only interested in our "wreckage", but that's the closest thing I can compare it to that makes sense I think. And it is difficult to still be the one still trapped in the wrecked car as everyone else gets to drive by and move on. Anyway, we truly do appreciate those who continue to check on us, call us, email us, visit us and pray for us. It really means a lot to us.  Day by day things are getting a little better.

That raw, heart torn in half, sob your brains out pain is slowly easing. It is far from gone, but I don't feel like I am standing in the middle of the world unable to move while everything around me continues to fly by. Some days I just feel numb and I think that is part of the self protectiveness that we have programmed into us. Not numb like I am in denial, just numb that I don't think I can possibly feel any more emotions and I just need a break. But, I feel like my heart is slowly being sewn back together one tiny stitch at a time.

Danny and I continue to grow in our relationship. Some days we are in completely different places in our journeys and some days we have similar thoughts. We are tired and worn out, but all we know is to keep going. We had a really great "date night" the other night. My parents took Cohen for the night. We had a gift card to a restaurant so we were able to go out mostly guilt free :)

I do still struggle with some anxiety and fear. I think that is something that may take awhile for me to overcome. I pray about it often. I still just get these feelings that I need to go check on Cohen, even if I just did it five minutes ago. I am afraid that the one time I don't go check on him will be the one time something is wrong. I am still afraid that something is going to happen to him. I want to be in control of things, even though I know I can't. Everything has been so out of my control and so not the way that I had planned. I still struggle with the "what next"? And then I beg God to let us rest because I just don't feel like I have the strength to face anything else. I am thankful that he knows what I need, even when I don't have a clue.

Cohen is doing well. All 14 lbs 8.5 oz of him (as of last week). We continue to be so thankful that he hasn't been sick even once since he came home from the hospital. He is a mover and a shaker for sure. He is constantly moving, even when I am feeding him his bottle he kicks his legs and moves his feet the entire time. I think his brain wants to do things like crawl or just get up and walk but his body isn't quite there yet. We are enjoying the time before he is mobile because I'm pretty sure this boy will not slow down! He will be 8 months old in a few days and we can't believe that in a few months we will be planning his FIRST BIRTHDAY! I know it will be a bittersweet time but we hope that we can have a day of celebration for our boys. So mark your calendars...just mark off the whole month of June for the birthday party!

So, that's how we're doing currently.

Whiplash & Some Serious Cuteness

Do you ever feel like you are getting whiplash reading this blog? Yeah, me too. One day happiness, the next day pain. If you haven't noticed, this journey we are on is full of opposites. Ups and down, joy and pain, fear and comfort. My brain is continually going and going. Usually it goes something like this:

I never imagined I could love someone as much as I love Cohen.
I wish I had Carter here because I know that love would just be multiplied. Having Cohen makes me realize how much I am missing with Carter.

I am so thankful for Cohen and what a miracle he is.
I am so thankful for Carter, too. 

I wish this wasn't my life, this isn't how it was supposed to be.
This is my life, I can't change what happened, what am I going to make of it?

I love it when Cohen smiles in his sleep.
I wonder if he sees Carter in his dreams.


Man, Cohen goes through a lot of formula and diapers.
Imagine what it would have been like with both boys. 

Cohen keeps me awfully busy, twins would have been hard.
But it can't be as hard as this. And I would have loved to know what it was like to be a mom to twins.


Cohen is so cute.
They would have been so cute together.

And speaking of cute...

Doesn't he look so grown up?? I can't take it!